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Thursday, January 30, 2014

The Aftermath . . .


Immediately following this tragedy, I was escorted back to the firehouse by a police officer where I awaited the arrival of my comrades in arms who were still at the hospital sifting through the dust, so to speak. Once they returned to quarters, the department activated a critical incident stress debriefing team from Christ Hospital in Oak Lawn, Illinois. The debriefing included not only the firefighters involved, but also our command staff, dispatchers, and police officers. We spent approximately one hour reminiscing, crying, and just trying to make sense out of what just happened.

Once the debriefing was over, I was relieved of duty and sent home for the remainder of the evening at about 1230 in the morning. I entered my house quietly to find my wife fast asleep, so I just sat at the edge of the bed and stared into the darkness with the sounds of silence. And so began a five-year journey of torment. Our crew returned to duty three days later on the day of "Little Dicky's" wake. Prior to the service, our crew responded to a patient who had died about four days earlier. Additionally, we responded for one of our regular patients who also committed suicide by taking pills. My mind went into overdrive and I didn't know what to do. We received no other aftercare provided by the department, we just moved on. Or so I thought.

For years, I began to harbor ill will towards my department and my attitude became very poor. I don't know how many times I can tell you that I spent countless hours in the Chief's office for coaching and counseling sessions, was told I needed to screw my head on right and lose the bad attitude. I became very anti-establishment as well. In addition to my poor attitude, I had disturbed sleeping patterns where I would re-live the incident over and over and over again in my mind. I did not eat very well during this time and my weight ballooned from 170 pounds to 186. I also carried around an extreme guilt complex because I felt that I should have recognized the impending suicide. I should have done more to prevent this tragedy from happening. Little did I know that I was suffering from PTSD.

By now my readers are probably wondering how I overcame the PTSD. There were three distinct events that occurred during that five-year period that helped me to come out of the darkness. During the same time, I was taking fire officer classes at Moraine Valley Community College. One of the instructors was also a former supervisor as well as friend of Little Dicky at a different department. He allowed myself and another firefighter (who also responded to that call), to tell this same story to the class when the subject of suicide and depression was covered in the curriculum (first event). This was a very cathartic experience for me.

A couple of years after this first event, my wife and I attended a combination communion and graduation party for two of our fallen comrade's children. I had the opportunity to speak to his mother and father who assured me that I should have no guilt over the death of their son. You see, Little Dicky suffered from clinical depression since he was in high school. His father told me "We always knew the possibility that day would one day come"(event two). I soon began to realize that no matter how hard I would have tried, there may have been nothing I would have been able to do to reverse that destiny.

The third event, which is not even an event at all, forms the base of my triangle of healing. I consider my wife my best friend in the whole wide world, and if not for her patient love and understanding I would have left the fire service shortly after that one cold and lonely night. I will be forever eternally grateful to her. However, this was a great burden for her to shoulder and she should have had access to resources in order to not only help me, but also to help her understand what I was going through.

In retrospect, I now realize that my anger towards my department was misdirected. At that time, the way events like this one were handled were to just suck it up and move on. I really believe that if anybody would've asked me why I had such a bad attitude, it would have triggered me into saying that I was having a hard time dealing with Little Dicky's death. It's just hard sometimes when you are swirling into a bottomless pit, for one to be able to ask for more help other than just the critical incident stress debriefing. Therefore, I say to you my readers, do not try to handle either PTSD or any form of stress on your own. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help.

I conclude this post with the following three-minute video that discusses the signs and symptoms of PTSD. Once again, never travel this road alone.

           

                                                                                    Yours in health,

 

                                                                                    Tim

 

Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for fair use for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use.
 
 

Friday, January 24, 2014

One Cold and Lonely NIght


Over the next several posts we will be discussing a topic that is near and dear to me: stress. We will explore the signs and symptoms, it's link to chronic disease/illness, and self-care strategies that can be used to assist us in leading a more balanced life.

The other day I was watching the CBS television drama Blue Bloods, whose plot revolved around Detective Danny Reagan searching high and low on the streets of New York to find an Afghanistan war veteran who was suffering from posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Needless to say the story ended with this individual committing suicide because he could no longer cope with the hallucinations and anger outbursts commonly associated with this disorder.

PTSD affects not only war veterans, but also firefighters police officers, and the general public at large. Anything can trigger PTSD: a death of a loved one, being a victim of or witnessing a violent crime, or even a traumatic brain injury. Our discussion is going to begin with me relating a story about a call that I responded to as a firefighter nearly 16 years ago. In future posts I will talk about how this incident affected me personally, how I coped with it, as well as relate the signs and symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder.

Sixteen years ago on a cold, damp, February night, my outlook on life changed forever.  The alarm sounded at 1940 hours (7:40 p.m.) for a vehicle that had exploded.  My assignment for the day was to drive the fire engine to the scene and make sure that water was put on the fire.  My heart began to race as I thought, “This is going to be a bad one.”  Upon arrival, the Lieutenant, I, and another firefighter could see a column of heavy black smoke rising (as black as the sky) from the rear of an apartment building parking lot.  The Lieutenant and other firefighter (nicknamed Ski) pulled the hose line off of the engine and disappeared behind the building into the night.  Suddenly, I heard my Lieutenant shout in a booming voice, “Get us water quick!!!”  Within a few minutes the fire was extinguished and the job complete, or so I thought.  The next thing I knew, an ambulance that also responded, pulled out from behind the building.  I peered through the window and saw three medics treating a charred, lifeless body that was pulled from a pickup truck that had exploded.  My Lieutenant, who was driving the ambulance, never looked my way as he sped off to the hospital.  I thought this to be odd behavior as the “Lou” always gave us additional instructions. 

     While I was picking up equipment, Ski emerged from behind the building and said in a soft voice, “It was Little Dicky.”  Tears began to stream down my face as I collapsed to the ground, sobbing uncontrollably.  You see, Little Dicky, a fellow firefighter I worked with for the last three years, just committed suicide.  It was determined that he poured gasoline over himself and ignited it with a lighter.  One month prior, Little Dicky made an attempt to end his life, only this time he was successful.  After that night, I realized that we are put on this Earth for a very short time and it should be our life’s mission to leave the world a little better off than we found it. Therefore, I developed a personal mantra that I try to live by each day which is: “Every morning I wake up and realize that there are many people in this world who want to be somebody.  I, on the other hand, want to be somebody who makes a difference.”

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

A Little Something to Get Us Started


Australian writer and radio broadcaster Philip Adams once said: "A lot of successful people are risk takers. Unless you're willing to do that-to have a go, fail miserably, and have another go, success won't happen"(no date).  Today's post is going to tell the story of Arthur, a military veteran who had a never say can't attitude. He was someone that was told by his doctors that he would never walk again because of existing injuries and excessive weight gain.

Arthur knew that if he listened to these doctors, his condition would worsen and he would die. While searching the Internet, Arthur came across a yoga program designed by former pro wrestler Diamond Dallas Page. He ordered the DVD, took the chance (risk), and the rest was history. Arthur's story is told in the following nine minute YouTube video and my hope is that it will give you, my readers, inspiration from which to draw on as you make your own personal transformations. It's just a little something to get us started, enjoy.

Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for fair use for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use.

Pinkney, M. (No date). The Ultimate Pocket Positives: A Second Anthology of Inspirational Thoughts. The Five Mile Press.
 

Thursday, January 9, 2014

In The Beginning . . .


     Robert Frost once wrote: "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference" (2014).  I think Mr. Frost was speaking about the decisions we make on our journey through this hectic world, and the positive outcome (s) should we diverge from the mainstream.

     Greetings, in health and wellbeing to all who find this informative blog.  My name is Tim Grutzius and I am a wellness educator and certified personal trainer.  My overall goal is to develop a community of people who want to improve their quality of life along with the activities of daily living.  It will be a place where individuals from all walks of life can come to share their stories on how they strive for a more balanced existence so that others may learn to do the same.

     Over the past several years I have become better educated about natural self-care of which I will pass along to our community. Topics of discussion will include: herbs, aromatherapy, Bach Flower Essences, chiropractic, massage, acupuncture, etc.  I have used all of these modalities with great success to maintain body homeostasis (balance) when I faced common ailments.  Additionally,  I will conduct field interviews with the practitioners that have helped me find this balance so that you, the reader, will gain better insight into these healing methods.

     Holism looks at an individual's mind-body-spirit connection.  Therefore, what you learn on these pages may have worked for others, but you may not respond with the same success.  Remember, we are individuals, and not carbon copies.  I must also caution that if you have a pre-existing condition (s), you should always consult with your primary healthcare provider prior to trying any suggestions of fellow community members.  Some modalities may be contraindicated with your current medical protocols or prescribed medications.

     My goal is to provide you with an educational experience that makes you a better informed person.  I welcome you to post questions about self-care and fitness.  If I do not know the answer, I will research using due diligence and provide references with any posted information.

     Finally, as a certified personal trainer, I will cover fitness related topics that use the most up-to-date science-based exercise recommendations from organizations such as the American Council on Exercise and the American College of Sports Medicine.

     Once again, I welcome all who find this new community and if you stay,  please invite others to join in the conversation. Together, let's answer Robert Frost's call to action, and take the road less traveled.  In our case, it is the road to a more balanced and fit life.  In my next post I will set the stage by sharing my own personal story.

                                                                         Yours in health,

                                                                          Tim
 
This article is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to treat, diagnose, cure, or prevent disease. This article has not been reviewed by the FDA. Always consult with your primary care physician or naturopathic doctor before making any significant changes to your health and wellness routine.
 
Frost, Robert. The Road Not Taken. Poetry Foundation.  Retrieved from http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/173536 on 1/1/2014.
 
 
 

 
 
 

My Road. . .


Every road less traveled, and every new journey taken, must begin from somewhere. One of the greatest gifts that we have been given is that of the power of observation. We must use this gift to our advantage when we seek to change our destinies. Approximately 6 years ago I was 5' 8" and 186 pounds and the department doctor told me I was pre-diabetic based on the lab results of my annual physical.  I am now 155 pounds and have consistently maintained this weight for the past five years. Here is the beginning my story on the road to wellbeing.

Over 19 years ago I began a career in the fire service, and it has been the greatest honor for me to preserve, protect, and defend those in need. Back then, I was young and idealistic to think that I could change the world with the gift of healing that was bestowed upon me. After all, my Mom always said that I do God's work. Then the years passed quickly, and I came to realize that my job was to treat the immediate threat to a patient (stop the bleeding, if you will) and never really make a difference in improving his or her quality of life.

My journey into the world of natural medicine began in early 2008 when I realized that I was more than halfway through my career as a lieutenant/paramedic with the Alsip Fire Department. During my tenure of aiding those in need, I have observed a common thread with all my patients: most took what resembled a pharmacy of medications of which, none seemed to improve their quality of life (me in the future, based on that annual physical).  I thought to myself "There has to be better choices than this to stave off chronic illness and disease". I knew in my heart there was another mission in life for me after the fire department. As a lieutenant, I found this to be equally parallel when handling the daily problems of station life. No matter how hard I try, or what strategy I use, I can never seem to get a colleague to really talk about what is bothering him or her. A problem is always resolved with the proverbial Band-Aid.

It was around this time that an epiphany occurred. I was watching a new TV program in which they introduced one of the characters as an acupuncture student. I became intrigued and began a Google search into alternative and complementary (natural) medicine which led me to what was then called the Australasian College of Health Sciences, now American College of Healthcare Sciences, based in Portland, Oregon. After careful consideration, I enrolled in the Holistic Health Practice Diploma program and away I went.

Immediately, I was opened up to the world of natural health with my knowledge limited (at that time) to the chiropractor I had been seeing for over 12 years. Class after class, I expanded my understanding of the subject matter and quickly learned that the answers I was seeking (to improve the quality of life) were now before me. The greatest experience about being a student at ACHS were the assignments and labs for each module. These exercises allowed me to become a human experiment, learning as I went.  As a result, the personal changes I have experienced in my health can readily be shared with others. After all, and educator in this field should be able to walk the walk, and talk the talk.

Making changes in our life is one of the hardest things we will ever have to do, especially when it comes to our own health. However, the rewards and benefits we reap can be great if we just take Robert Frost's road less traveled. What I ask from each and every one of you, my readers, is to take this journey with me. Ask questions and share your stories. Let's learn from each other about what worked and what didn't work, in a personal quest for a balanced life.

I am going to leave you with a quote from Lynn Tryba, editor of Taste For Life Magazine, that truly captures the essence of what our community is going to be all about: "I'm no expert, but I have seen people change. They share five traits: They accept themselves and concentrate on their strengths; they pay attention to how their healthy choices make them feel; they get support; they withstand the discomfort of change until it becomes their new norm; and they start small and build on their successes" (2014).

 

                                                                                    Yours in health,

 

                                                                                    Tim

 

This article is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to treat, diagnose, cure, or prevent disease. This article has not been reviewed by the FDA. Always consult with your primary care physician or naturopathic doctor before making any significant changes to your health and wellness routine.

 

American College of Healthcare Sciences (2014).  Homepage.  Retrieved from http://www.achs.edu/ on 1/9/2014. 

Tryba, L. (2014, January). Is This Your Year? Taste for Life Magazine, 6.