Life is Short- So Spend It Wisely

Christina Grimmie (google images)
 

     On June 11^th, 2016, Christina Grimmie- a Season 6 finalist on The Voice was shot and killed while signing autographs after a concert in Florida.  As of this writing, the assailant (who killed himself) has been identified without a motive given for the attack.  I am sure that as the days unfold, the reason for this senseless killing will be uncovered.  However, at the end of the day no matter who says what about whom, one thing remains certain- life is short, so spend it wisely.

     Our time on this Earth is a precious gift that should not be wasted sitting on the sidelines watching life pass us by.  We are given an opportunity to chase our dreams with what should be the sole purpose of making this world a better place to live before we leave it.  Often times I have seen or heard others incessantly bemoan their fate, while simultaneously pointing a finger to cast blame elsewhere.  Heck, I was one of those people who did just that, and can’t help but think how this served no good purpose.  One might say I lost many life points along the way.  However, all was not lost.

     Two years ago it was the stark reality that I suffered from PTSD that awakened the healing spirit within and brought me to my senses.  No longer will I point the blame, as I control how I react to what happens 100% of the time.  If there are bumps in the road, I will learn and grow from them- never to cast shadows on someone else.  Most likely on the morning Miss Grimmie woke up, she never thought it would be her last day among the living.  Yet at the tender age of 22, her music left an indelible mark on this world as well as the following she gathered along the way.  Surely, she made a difference in at least one person’s life by giving them hope through her voice.  Her mission to better this world albeit short, was accomplished.

     One of my favorite Zac Brown Band pieces titled “Lance’s Song” emphasizes the point of chasing your dreams because you never know when your time is up.  Lance (a musician and a friend of the ZBB), was returning home from a gig he played at a small venue, fell asleep while driving, and was killed.  Zac penned a most beautiful and thought-provoking tribute to a friend.

     Two individuals, from different genres had the same dream of changing the world with their music.  The question remains- What will you do?  Let the world pass you by, or heal it through the power of your dreams?  I leave the answer up to you my readers, but I choose the latter.

 

 

 

In health and wellness,

Tim

Finding Solace on the Neon Road

     It is the year 2016 and once again We the People must endure another contentious election cycle in the race for the White House.  I find it particularly disturbing this time around as the theme seems to be grown adults fighting with each other as if they are on a grade school playground.  No matter the political ideology you will find: name-calling, finger pointing, and even pouting.

     This childish behavior has pushed Americans to the point of fist fighting during political rallies.  I am not here to make commentary, but rather to highlight the fact that this nonsense is heaping more stress on an already stressed-out nation.  Who do we trust?  Will this be a choice of the lesser of two evils?  Ugh!!!  It just boggles my mind and begs the question- What does one do to remain balanced?  My thoughts now turn to the Neon Road.

 

     The song titled Neon Road appeared on singer-songwriter John Stewart’s 1997 album titled Rough Sketches.  The lyrics pay homage to the once great American highway known as Route 66- aka Will Rogers Highway or the Main Street of America (2015).  Route 66 once stretched from Chicago to Santa Monica, California for a total of 2,448 miles (2015).  In the song, Stewart evokes memories of contentious or controversial (stress-inducing) times in American history, such as WWII:

“It was 1945 and we were living through the war. In the words of Harry Truman, “Give’em hell, then give’em more”.

    It is interesting to note what the narrator of this story did to reduce his stress levels.  He jumped into his Fairlane with the top down and cruised the open road with a care free attitude looking for that simpler way of living.  My mind now transports me back to the summer of 1990 when Iraq invaded Kuwait.  I was stationed at Fort Irwin- 40 miles outside of Barstow, California.  Believe me when I tell you that it was very stressful- day after day, waiting to find out if my number would be called to the Middle East.  I had become way too familiar with insomnia, and I think all during that time did as well.

 

     As it would happen, Main Street (old Route 66) ran right through the middle of Barstow and out into the open air of the Mojave Desert.  Many times I found myself jumping into my Geo Metro with the 2-60 air conditioning (roll down the two windows and go 60 miles per hour), and drove 30 miles to Victorville just to spend the day at a mall.  The round trip was well worth the time, as the anxiety I felt just melted away.  I always look back fondly on those days in Barstow where I truly learned to be of independent means.

     Getting back to our present day conundrum- Stewart aptly wrote in reference to the days after WWII:

“We had honor, we had promise, we had dreams of better days.  Yeah, but somewhere in the short strokes, we got lost along the way.”

     From where I sit, we as a nation still seem to be lost and really need to find our way back to when we were truly united in the cause of humanity.  In the grand scheme of things, most of what will happen this political season is out of our control, and destiny has already been shaped.  It is during times such as these that our spirits can be shaken, but that should not deter us from remaining grounded to Mother Earth.

 

 

     Not everyone will have the opportunity to travel on what was once Route 66 to use the experience as a stress-reducing agent.  However, find something you enjoy (be it exercise, a day at the beach, watching the sunset) that can create the illusion of the top down on an old Fairlane, and take solace on your own version of the Neon Road.

 

 

 

 

In Health and Wellness,

Tim

References

U.S. Route 66.  Retrieved from Wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U.S._Route_66 on May 21st, 2015.

Lyrics to Neon Road. Retrieved from http://bitemyfoot.org.uk/songtabs/Neon%20Road.html on May 21^st, 2015.

The Forever Rainbow Bridge

     In almost 22 years as a firefighter, the one thing I have learned is that some of the best/worst conversations happen at the kitchen table, and last week was no different.  Usually a shift change starts with everyone gathering at the table to recount the activities of the day before, as well as to pass along any pertinent information.  The morning news plays out on the TV behind us, mainly as noise-but sometimes a story can catch our attention.

     One such story touched on the concept of corporations who allow their employees the opportunity to take either a bereavement day or flex time in order to mourn the loss of a beloved pet (as well as to spend time with a child following such an event). One of my crewmates began to voice his opinion loudly that this was the stupidest thing he had ever heard- basically saying people need to just suck it up and move on.  I only internally disagreed with his statement, as it was neither the time nor place to make a counterassault.

       Instead, I researched this topic further and found a CBS News article titled Some companies letting employees take off work after pet dies which broached this very subject.  One argument against this type of practice begged the question “Where does one draw the line on the type of pets that warrant such time off (dog, cat, reptile, bird)?”   Being a major pet lover myself, as well as someone who does not have children, I can tell you most assuredly that the loss of a pet is very devastating to the psyche, and as the referenced article indicated-it can be very difficult to function for several days or weeks following.  Especially if the pet in question serves as a de facto child.  So why expound upon this topic?

     On the very next shift day the Universe provided me both the inspiration (to pen this post), as well as the answer to my question.  Our crew responded to a working structure fire in a two-story single family residence.  When we arrived on scene the house was well-involved on the first and second floors.  The owner was able to escape from harm, but notified the firefighters that he owned a dog and cat that were still inside.  At this point, I was assigned as a sector officer on one side of the building.  I informed the working crews to look for these animals as they continued with suppression efforts.  Several minutes later, the crews exited the building with the lifeless body of a cat and a dog.  My heart was heavy as the firefighters solemnly laid these pets on the side of the driveway.  I closed my eyes and invoked St. Francis to provide them safe passage across the Rainbow Bridge.   Approximately 40 minutes later as we were returning to quarters, a second homeowner arrived on scene.  The lasting image that was imprinted on my brain was a woman collapsing (full of grief and mental anguish) into the arms of a neighbor.  She lost not only a home, but her faithful companions as well.

St. Francis

 

     Just imagine this scene, and tell me whether or not it is too far-fetched for companies to offer pet bereavement days.  What if these people had small school-aged children they needed to inform of the pet deaths?   While my crewmate is entitled to his opinion that adults should “suck it up”, I believe the time off would be critically important to spend with their young ones to guide them through the emotional turmoil they are now experiencing.  It has been almost 8 years since Judy and I had to euthanize our beloved dog Chief.  At that time, a friend of ours gave us a copy of The Rainbow Bridge (author unknown) to offer us comfort.  I now share this same poem in dedication to the pet lives lost last week.

The Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

In Health and Wellness,

Tim

References

Some companies letting employees take off work after pet dies (2016, March 14).  Retrieved from CBS News: http://www.cbsnews.com/news/some-companies-letting-employees-take-off-work-after-pet-dies/ on 3/20/2016.

Rainbow Bridge Poem.  Retrieved from https://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm on 3/20/2016.

The Weight of the Oath

     Last week, I watched the movie American Sniper for the first time and realized why I had not when it was first released at theaters across the country.  The plot revolved around the war time service of Navy Seal Chris Kyle who was one of the most prolific snipers in military history.  The majority of the scenes showed graphic images of war as well as Kyle’s battle with PTSD (a topic that resonates strongly with me).  By the movie’s account, Kyle- an American patriot who believed strongly in the defense of our country, overcame his behavioral health struggles by helping other veterans-in-kind.  Chris Kyle was killed by one of these veterans (he was assisting) on a shooting range in 2013.  The oath of enlistment that he took came with a heavy weight attached- something that is shared by all public servants alike (fire, police, emergency dispatcher, et al).

     In general, as a public servant you are asked to swear an oath to uphold the Constitution of the United States, the state in which you reside, the municipal ordinances of your village, as well as to faithfully discharged the duties of the position to which you are employed.  Prior to the actual date of employment, the prospective public servant is told (at an orientation) all about the work schedule, hours, benefits, and time off that comes with the job, but never about the toll exacted on the mind, body, and spirit by the weight of said oath.  Let me show you what I mean.

     When it comes to emergency dispatchers, I have always told the ones I work with that they are the life line to the police officers and fire fighters who respond to the calls for assistance. From a behavioral health aspect, dispatchers are often left behind when it comes to available resources that specifically deal with their profession.  Imagine answering the 911 call to find a panic-stricken citizen screaming for help because someone is breaking into his/her home to do them bodily harm.  The dispatcher must multi-task by staying with the caller, as well as sending the appropriate agency to mitigate the situation.  The minutes must seem like hours as the dispatcher “internally prays” that help arrives before a tragedy occurs.  There is not a doubt in my mind that the stress response is heightened, and without relief can become chronic.  This professional is equally vulnerable to PTSD as their counterparts on the street.

     Police officers and firefighters (local, county, state, and federal) often work in concert at emergency scenes that make them prone to behavioral health issues as well.  Exposure to homicides, suicides, domestic violence, psychiatric calls, and communicable diseases (to name a few) can wreak havoc with either profession.  Additionally, these public servants may spend extended time at an incident, all the while exposed to the environmental elements of the different seasons of the year.  Both physical and psychological fatigue (susceptibility to PTSD) can set in as the weight of the oath takes its toll from many years on the job.  For some, years on the job may be only one or two when these injuries occur.

 

     Public servants- military, fire, police, and dispatch all swear to uphold the laws of this land and protect the public (country) at-large.  The life of the public servant is always about the unknown with each incident, and as a result is accompanied by a cumulative emotional exhaustion.  Many will never admit they need help with behavioral health housekeeping (so to speak), because asking for help is seen as a sign of weakness.  Therefore, I ask all of my fellow servants to seek help either in the form of peer support, counseling, or group therapy as a way to maintain balance.  Ask for assistance as this is not a sign of weakness, but rather a show of courage.  Reach out before this weight becomes too heavy.

 

In health and wellness,

Tim

Available Resources

Web

Illinois Firefighter Peer Support  www.ilffps.org

Safe Call Now  www.safecallnow.org

Please check the state and/or country in which you reside for further resources.  The above are just a couple to get you started on the road to wellness, and I ask all who read this to please add to this list in the comments section of the blog.

When a Lapse Occurs

     Last week I discussed a couple of triggers that I had avoided (but revisited) in the interest of maintaining a balanced existence on my road to healing.  In retrospect, I did not articulate my point very well and some may have noted sarcasm at the end of the commentary (I meant to offend no one and if I did so- I apologize).  After reading between the lines I realized that what had happened to me was a lapse in my healing program.  A lapse is defined as “a short-term disruption” where as a relapse is “a return to one’s former behaviors and the act of “giving up” (ACE, 2013).  So what can one do to prevent a total relapse?

     Whether one is participating in either a healing, exercise, or behavioral modification program- the first thing to recognize is that lapses (stumbles if you will), are going to happen.  We are not perfect beings and even if we are feeling good about ourselves, temporary roadblocks can and do occur, it’s a fact of life.  For example: injury, work obligations, temptations from food, and overconfidence (in my case) can steer the ship off course.  Here are a few strategies that can help to right your personal ship:

Don’t be hard on yourself

     First and foremost, do not beat yourself up for a lapse.  Get back up, dust yourself off and reflect on all the successes you have had up to this point in your program.  Even if you are at the very beginning when the lapse occurs, keep telling yourself that “This was just a little detour, but if I continue to follow the road signs I will be redirected back to my original path” (towards healing, improved health, etc.).  Remember, we are only human.

Reflect

     With any type of self-improvement program, it is always a good idea to record both the successes and barriers to each day in a journal.  In the event of a lapse, be honest and record what happened or why you think it occurred.  Was there an environmental stressor at work or home?  If you had a great day, what made it so and how did you feel about your progress?  Your journal can be a great reference tool, especially if you have the same type of repeated lapses.  It can help to reestablish a connection with your goals since “you had been there, and done that before.”

 

Hang with like-minded people

     Embarking on a self-improvement program can often times be a daunting task that will be better served with a support system.  Always remember that there are many people who have walked this journey before you, and their experiences can become your best teacher.  Seek out peer support groups that resonate with your mission (improved health, addictions, behavioral health, exercise, etc.).  These groups are generally facilitated by an industry leader, but in reality it is the participants who in time, become the true educators.  Both successes and lapses are shared with encouragement abound.  If group support is not your thing, then seek out a qualified coach or counselor that can best serve your needs.  At the end of the day SHARING = HEALING.

     Lapses are a part of life that can be recovered from both with self-reflection and a solid support system.  Ultimately, we do not want to return to the former shadow of ourselves (relapse).  If you stumble: continue to practice inward loving kindness, (and in the words of Jimmy Buffett) breathe in, breathe out -move on.   For tomorrow is another day to begin anew.

 

 

In Health and Wellness,

Tim

References

Bryant, C., Green, D., & Merrill, S. (Eds.).  (2013). Ace Health Coach Manual: The Ultimate Guide to Wellness, Fitness, & Lifestyle Change.  San Diego: American Council on Exercise.

You Can’t Go Home Again

     In a season 7 episode of the epic television series Magnum PI titled Going Home, the main character Thomas Magnum returns home to attend his grandfather’s funeral.  At the closing scene, Magnum quoted writer Thomas Wolfe and added his own twist when he said “Thomas Wolfe once wrote “You can’t go home again” – but it sure as hell doesn’t hurt to try.”  I will agree in part with Magnum’s addition by saying it is okay to return home to visit family, friends, and old colleagues, but not so much when revisiting old triggers.  Bear with me as I share my thoughts.

     It has been almost two years since I began my healing journey from PTSD and there are many lessons that I learned along the way- one being, the identification of triggers to anger, stress, etc.  Through journaling, meditation, and self-reflection I identified two of my biggest Achilles’ heels: reading the newspaper or watching the evening newscasts.  During the height of my hyperarousal from PTSD, I couldn’t even read the newspaper or watch the news without yelling, throwing a pillow at the TV, or flipping the bird in the direction of what became aggravating to me.  My counselor advised that I was going to have to learn to separate myself from situational triggers such as the daily news if it did not serve me well or caused undue stress. At that time, I resolved to only watch the weather and sports, and read only the Arts/Entertainment/travel sections, as well as the sports pages.  During the majority of a newscast I meditated. This strategy has worked well for me until about a week ago when I decided to go home again.

     I had been feeling very good about myself, and more balanced than I could recall in recent years.  One might even say that I dared to throw caution to the wind and revisit things that once haunted me.  Last week, I decided to test the waters by reading the rest of the paper and watch the beginning of the newscast with the strong belief that I was grounded enough to handle it- not.  I could not even make it a few minutes into the broadcast when the middle finger popped up in the direction of the TV.  It was more the same when I started to read a news story about decisions being made by our legislators in Springfield.  Even though I made great strides in healing, these two things may forever be hot button triggers that I must continue to avoid in the interest of my physical and mental well-being.

     Some may disagree with my position statement so I will offer final thoughts on this subject matter.  If you struggle with events from your past that cause you emotional unrest, then it may be appropriate to “return home” to seek closure.   However, from my own personal experience, it would be most beneficial to seek the assistance of a licensed professional clinical counselor who can advise you on the best way to revisit old wounds.  My belief is that once closure is gained (if you do in fact), listen to Mr. Wolfe and don’t return home in the interest of a more balanced existence.  As for me and the news media, I like the Mark Twain quote that a friend recently sent my way:

“If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed.  If you read the newspaper you’re mis-informed.”   I’m just saying.

In Health and Wellness,

Tim