The Only Way to Truly Heal is by Taking the First Step

     Something most every one could agree upon is that life is never easy, and nobody said it would be.  During the last year-and-a-half of my healing journey, I have met many individuals (a majority through peer support) who carry personal pain they avoid, deny, or do not share with others.  Every human who walks this planet has a story to tell which has had a profound effect on him/her, to the point it has stifled their true life’s purpose.  I know because I have been there, and done that.  So, what is the only way to truly heal?  Take the first step.

 

 

     One great way to begin healing is to share your story, because the more you tell it- the easier it becomes.  I have had the opportunity to tell my story repeatedly in peer support presentations, to a counselor, an acupuncturist, a chiropractor, and even a yoga instructor.   However, I was truly taken outside of my comfort zone when I had to tell it before the cameras.  A couple of months ago, myself and other members of Illinois Firefighter Peer Support participated in the filming of a video which explains the purpose of the team’s existence.  We each shared our personal pain, and then related what it means to be a part of something so great.

     Even though many of us have been part of the team for a while, every time I watch this video, I can literally feel the healing effect that opening up to the world had on each participant.  I have said this at least once before: SHARING=HEALING.  One of the greatest lessons I learned over the last 18 months is that when it comes to healing, no one is going to do it for you- you must do it for yourself.  Otherwise, you will most assuredly be held back from fulfilling your destiny, whatever it may be.  The caveat is that once the pain is released, you can no longer let it control your being.  The echoes of the mind will never let you forget, but in the face of adversity always have the courage to take the high road.

     Some of you may have seen this before, but I leave you with a fine example of what it means to take the first step on the road to a more balanced existence:

 

 

 

 

In health and wellness,

Tim

Sometimes the Best Laid Plans Are None at All

     Last weekend, Judy and I celebrated our wedding anniversary with a two-day getaway to Michigan.  Usually on these short trips we have a game plan for the first day of our journey (this year we attended the New Buffalo Wine Festival), and on the second day we usually roam around and stop at a place that just speaks to us.  On these days of nothingness is where the greatest treasures and lessons in life are sometimes found.

     During our travels we met two different women (both vendors), each with their own talents that they use to offer unique gifts to the world.  The first woman we met at the wine festival, is a part time photographer whose business is anchored by her love for the letters of the alphabet.  Pam has spent years amassing a collection of photos (either staged or natural) that form the 26 letters.  Customers can either purchase “alpha photos” created by Pam, or seize the day and design their own.  Judy and I bought one of each, but the real joy was in piecing together a work of art that told the story of us as a couple.  We each spent the better part of 45 minutes sifting through photos and came together with our common ground.

 

Pam's Creation
 

 

     Besides creating a small business for herself, I think Pam’s true joy in life is to watch the excitement and smiles on her customers’ faces as they bond closer during this simple exercise about life:  Always remember the little things that brought you together, and the joined interests that have kept you united in love.  Our created frame is going to headline a wall above the stair case of our home.

 

Judy and Tim's Creation
 

• F- formed by peppers signifying our Italian heritage and love for gardening
• A- formed by the clouds that we can always marvel at anywhere, at any time
• M- formed by orchids which is a constant reminder of our connection to Hawaii
• I- formed by a corkscrew that has opened the memories in each shared bottle of wine
• L- formed by the park bench that we have always said we could have fun just sitting on
• Y- formed by dog bones that have fed our best friends past ( Chief) and present (Vino)

 

     We met our next vendor at a farmer’s market on the second day of our journey.  It is Romy’s love of Lake Michigan that forms the basis of her business.  This creative artist spends hours on the beaches (of this great lake), collecting stones, minerals, and pieces of glass that have washed ashore.  She then takes her “bounty” and meticulously adheres them into patterns on things such as wine racks, clock frames, vases, and pencil holders.  All of the wood work to which the stones are glued were made by her father.  We purchased the wall-mounted wine and glass rack.

     Romy told us that her husband (who died last year), reluctantly assisted her in the collection efforts.  However, he did enjoy the outdoor time spent with his wife, even if the bags weighed close to 60 pounds.  As life dictates, Romy continues on with the business of collecting treasures from the lake.  Her true joy (passion) is carrying on with the spirit of her husband by her side, something she will remember all the rest of her days.  Judy related to our new found friend that even when we relocate, we will always carry a piece of Lake Michigan with us.  This is why Romy does this for the sake and enjoyment of others.

 

Lake Michigan Wine Rack
 

 

     Two women, two different talents, with a common ground of spreading joy and making the world a better place to live before they leave it.   We all should aspire to be like Pam and Romy to take and turn our passion into something that brings a smile to others’ faces and lights the fires within them to pay it forward in kind.  Remember: Sometimes the best laid plans are none at all.

In Health and Wellness,

Tim

Loyalty, Humility, Selflessness

Dearest Judy,

     It is hard to believe that 19 years ago on this day you became my wife-time has passed by like the blink of an eye.  When I close my eyes, my senses open up to everything about that day: me (with tears in my eyes) watching you walk down the aisle, you grasping my hand as we walked up the steps to the altar to be joined together forever as one, the vows, pictures, limo ride, and so on.

 

 

     The next scene in my mind’s eye shifts to our reception where I stood before family and friends and related three qualities you possess that were, and still are most endearing to me:

·         Loyalty- you are most loyal human being that I know in this world: to friends, family, work, and our vows as husband and wife.

·         Humility- you are a most humble person, and all you asked for in this life was to be a husband and wife who lead a simple life, who never take more than they give.

·         Selflessness-you give your all in every relationship whether it be professional or personal, without any agenda other than making this world a better place to live.

     The best things in life really do fly by so fast, and believe it or not I have thoroughly enjoyed every moment of this ride even through tough times.  We have lost several good people in this world, and yet have always stood by each other with all the support and love we could give.

     However, what I admire about you the most is that you took on the role of a firefighter’s wife with an incredible amount of courage and stamina.  There is not a doubt in my mind that this job changed me and injured my psyche to the level of post-traumatic stress. You rode this emotional rollercoaster with me for over 16 years and yet never wavered in your loyalty, humility, and selflessness.  For these reasons I consider you my personal hero in life, and I cannot wait to see what the next 19 years will bring.   The latest edition from Zac Brown and Company says it all:

 

 

 

 

Happy Anniversary Sweetie!!

Love always and forever,

 

Tim

Transitions

     There are many transitions in life that one goes through while walking this planet Earth of ours: infancy through childhood, elementary to high school to college or vocational school, dating to marriage, moving from city to city or state to state, and young to elderly adult.  However, the greatest transition in life is made when we move from the earthly to eternal life (life into infinity).  It is the final exclamation point on our life’s purpose for which we will be most remembered.

     Earlier this week, I attended the wake and funeral of a friend’s dad and my thoughts began to drift back to the beginning of this year.  For some reason, either people I know directly or those from my extended circle (or those they know) have transitioned from this world.  Ask me why and I can truthfully say I do not have the answer. As far as I can figure it, these chosen many were called to sleep with the angels because their mission in this lifetime was completed.  It is the lesson(s) they leave behind for us to take note of is what’s most important to our peace of mind.  Usually, it is some snippet of wisdom that they impart in the days or weeks prior to their departure.

     A few that have left this year were due to an illness diagnosed too late for any chance at full recovery.  The common parting instructions were for us to take care of ourselves from a health standpoint, and not ignore the early warning signs. Others were shut off from this world either due to behavioral health or dementia issues, and thus left us only to wonder why they transitioned, as they had no final words they could or would not articulate.  However, it is the body of work completed during their lifetime that we can glean the most to guide us in the right direction.  The snapshot of a person’s life is covered in none other than their eulogy.  Which brings me to my next case in point.

 

     When my friend’s dad died, he asked me for some assistance in shaping the eulogy he was about to give.  I offered a few suggestions, and he thanked me profusely for my help.  In the end, he eloquently covered 69 years of a man’s life which was all delivered from the heart.  I could not have been more proud of my friend who was never truly comfortable with public speaking.  Last week, I talked about writing your own eulogy by fully investing in your third act in life.  I say again, why wait for someone to write your final send off.  Do it yourself, make it happen, and live for how you can truly make a difference in this world.  As we the living, still have a mission that must be completed prior to our final transition.

Here are a few bullet points (lessons learned) I grabbed off of the universal timeline from the dearly departed I would like to share that may assist you in shaping the rest of your life:

1.      Take care of yourself from a health standpoint, and don’t ignore the warning signs.

2.      If you have children, prepare them to be the greatest legacy you leave behind to carry on your work.

3.      Only spend time on things that matter.

4.      Design the life you want to be most remembered for.

5.      If you have behavioral health issues don’t isolate yourself from society.  Someone out there has walked the same green mile, and can guide you through your darkest days.

6.      Live in the moment as if tomorrow never comes (best way to make the most of each day you are granted).

7.       Finally: In the face of adversity, always have the courage to take the high road

 

 

     Zac Brown wrote the following song and dedicated it to anyone who has lost someone in this world.  It is a toast to how they both lived and loved: enjoy.

 

 

In health and wellness,

 

Tim