Swimming in Love

     Today is the beginning of the summer solstice which also marks the day that God gave life to my beloved wife Judy.  Every year the Universe sends me a gift idea that seems to rival no other, and this year was no different.  After all, she is my best friend in the whole wide world, and her love for me is the very reason that I have stuck it out as long as I have as a firefighter and paramedic.  So, what message did the Universe send me this time?

     One publication that I subscribe to is called the Fra Noi, which is a magazine dedicated to all things Italian in the Chicagoland area.  Each month, the Community Highlights section of this publication profiles the work of local Italian-Americans, and here is where I found the most extraordinary gift for Judy.  In a recent issue, columnist Lou Carlozo profiled the work of an award-winning poet by the name of Cin Salach (People’s Poet, May, 2015).  This column focused on the work Ms. Salach does with her business called Poemgrown, which is absolutely extraordinary. 

     With Poemgrown, Cin creates personalized poetry for customers to mark any occasions, such as a birthdays or weddings. When I read this article, I knew that this connection was going to be something very special indeed, so I gave Cin a call and began the most amazing journey.  Basically, Cin conducted a phone interview with me, sent an email with a series of thought-provoking questions, a follow up phone call to review my answers, and then the magic of love began.  Cin told me that she was going to sit with all that I had given her for a few weeks and then send me the first draft for revisions. 

     When I read the first draft (that only needed minor changes), I was overwhelmed and beside myself.  Cin Salach artfully created the most beautiful soliloquy which expressed my truest feelings for Judy that were locked in the deepest recesses of my subconscious mind.  This journey, by far, was one of the most cathartic and healing experiences to date I have had in all my years on Earth (thanks, Cin).  From God’s lips to a poet’s hands, I present to you:

 

 

Swimming in Love

 

For Judy

 

Twenty two years ago, the eyes of my heart

heard the song of your soul and wept,

knowing this music was ancient and true.

 

Born on the summer solstice,

the most light-filled day of the year,

you cast away darkness every time

 

 

you look at me. You are the sun, Judy,

And I am the moon reflecting your light.

I thank the world for who you are

 

and all that your being brings.

Each morning is a gift to unwrap,

each day ends like this:

 

Us laughing. Then your arms around me,

love connecting us even as we sleep,

Vino too! Our family circle complete.

If I could renew my gratitude for you

the way we renewed our vows, on an island,

against a sunset, at the edge of a volcano,

 

nature reminding us of her beauty and

our place in this world,

 

 

 

I would tell you: Love,

 

love like yours can only come from God.

I would tell you that in a poem, Judy

and read it to you again and again,

 

whenever you wanted to hear it, or

whenever I was moved by our love,

which is always, which is now.

 

Because of you, I didn’t walk away from my life
as public servant, I didn’t walk away from my self.

I kept my eyes open, my heart present,

 

while you saw the wholeness of me

and shined it back.

You are my once-in-a-lifetime,

 

my holy treasure.

The hand I want to hold always

and forever. Wherever life takes us

 

from here, we will go together.

Arms and hearts entwined,

watching for rainbows

 

and one monarch butterfly.

Knowing without a doubt

we are, and always will be,

 

swimming in love.

 

Written by cin salach and commissioned by Tim

on the occasion of true love, and Judy’s birthday, June 21^st, 2015

 

A Size Up of Life

     One of the first things I learned as both a firefighter and now lieutenant, was the art of the size up.  It was drilled into my head during the academy days that a size up always begins at the moment of a call for service.  The size up includes such things as: time of day, weather conditions, occupancy status of a structure, smoke/fire conditions, etc. It also includes sizing up the mood of FD personnel the first thing in the morning. In order to have a successful outcome at an emergency call, the above listed must be observed.  The adage is that what happens during the first 5 minutes of an incident will dictate the next 5 hours.  This reflection started me thinking about how often do we size up our own (or others) lives on a daily basis.

The Fire Scene Size Up

     Since I began my healing journey via energy work (acupuncture, reiki, and Kundalini yoga), I have become more attuned to the world around me. Something that I once gave no passing thought to has suddenly garnered my attention at a more existential level.  For instance, every morning for the past six years I walk my dog by the same neatly groomed home and always comment to myself about the wonderful curb appeal that presents before me.  As the years have passed, I noticed this same lawn slowly fade into disrepair and thought that the owners just stopped caring about appearances.  However, on a different day, I gave closer inspection (size up) and noticed a sign in the front window that read: NO SMOKING-OXYGEN IN USE.  It then dawned on me that the owners probably never stopped caring about the curb appeal, they just had to prioritize because of an illness that may have befallen one of them.  It just goes to show that one should not make assumptions based on first appearance.

     How many times have you been in a restaurant and complained about bad service from your waiter or waitress and tipped accordingly, or not?  I know I have been there and done that without giving it a second thought that this person may have something going on in his/her life, but came to work anyway because they still had to put food on their table or go hungry.  The moral of this story is that you will never know the background of every person you meet (whether it is in a dining establishment, local gym, or your next door neighbor), so don’t make a hasty judgment about their work performance, attitude, etc.  Given that, how can we size up the intentions or moods of others upon first contact?

     This week, while thinking about the theme of this blog post, I came up with a strategy on how to size up life (so to speak).  From now on, every time I meet someone in person, or talk to them on the phone, I am going to ask this one simple question:  “Hello, how are you doing today?”  The first few moments of this conversation can dictate the next several that follow so why not start off on the right foot. The ensuing response may reveal the demeanor of who you are interacting with.  If it is positive, open, and friendly you will more than likely have a great experience. If not, then reflect on what might be causing them to have a sour disposition instead of jumping to conclusions. Continue to engage with empathy (for the not knowing) and maybe, just maybe, you will brighten their day.   

     I have employed this strategy a few times already this week and the results have been amazing.  If we all just take the time to show genuine concern for each other on a daily basis, we can leave this world a little better off than we found it, before we leave it.  After all, that is our fundamental duty as a member of the human race. 

 

 

 

     A daily size up should start the first thing in the morning when we look in the mirror at ourselves to see how we may project onto the world and then adjust accordingly- remember that it’s not always about the other person.  Sometimes you get what you give.

 

In health and wellness,

 

Tim

A Roundtable of Reality

Roundtable Discussion

     Last week (May 28^th), I had the honor and privilege of serving as a panelist in a roundtable discussion about firefighter suicides at the annual symposium of the Illinois Fire Chiefs Association that was held in East Peoria, Illinois.  As I waited for the start of this session, butterflies churned in my stomach and my palms became sweaty; because once again, I was asked to tell the story of my friend and co-worker’s suicide. Although I have made great strides in healing since last year, I noted that it still takes considerable amount of reserve energy to stay grounded to this Earth (even though I have learned to use many tools at my disposal).  What truly kept me emotionally secure was the fact that I was not alone in this venture, as several brother firefighters and chiefs each related similar stories in kind.

     The roundtable was moderated by Chief Pat Kenny of the Western Springs Fire Department, who artfully guided us through the discussion.  We started with personal stories and then moved into topics about behavioral health as it concerned the fire service. Before I knew it, the allotted time of 1 hour and 45 minutes had quickly passed.  I did not get to say everything that I wanted to, nor able to relate all of Sarah’s thoughts (she was unable to attend do to a family member’s illness).  Be that as it may, here were some of my responses to Chief Kenny’s questions:

1.       “What is the #1 thing from your perspective, that you believe the Fire Service needs to address to make progress in the area of Mental Health?”

    The fire service needs to turn the words of Life Safety Initiative #13 into action by becoming proactive in educating every department in the country about behavioral health issues.  The first time I met Matt Olson he told me that the message of the Illinois Firefighter Peer Support Team (ILFFPS) is going to be a 20 year project, and the true indoctrination needs to begin with the rookies in the academy.  We must make them comfortable with discussing the concept of behavioral health, peer support, etc. so that when they become the 20 year guys it will be the norm, instead of the exception to the rule.  The only way this is going to happen is if the now (5, 10, 15, 20) guys lead the charge.  I presented the ILFFPS concept to my department and was given a high compliment by a 7 year veteran.  He said that I was a beacon of hope for a lot of guys because I shared my story, was comfortable discussing my own behavioral health issues, as well as sharing my emotions.  Putting yourself out there is the best grassroots effort that can be made to advance this cause.

ILFFPS

2.      We were each given the opportunity to make a final appeal but ran out of time.  Here is what I said as well as what I would have liked to say:

I described the different ways firefighters could access the ILFFPS (website, Facebook, department peer supporter) in a step by step fashion.  I also talked about the Firefighter Psychological Support Therapists (FPS) and what Sarah requires of them during this educational program (classroom, field time, and supervised clinical counseling of firefighters).  It was also explained to the chiefs that both peer supporters and FPS therapists must complete annual continuing education requirements.  The rest of what follows is what I would have liked to have finished with:

FPS

     Education about behavioral health, along with an active peer support system, will be the best way to make advances in providing a more balanced life for members of the fire service.  Self-care will be the cornerstone to the success of any behavioral health program.  We can tirelessly spread our message, but each firefighter needs to realize that they must courageously take that first step forward and seek help through either a peer supporter, FPS therapist, or a combination of both.  It is better to be proactive in caring for oneself before someone else compels you to do so.

     In 1997, the International Association of Firefighters and International Association of Fire Chiefs created the Joint Wellness-Fitness Initiative as a guide for individual departments to develop a comprehensive wellness program for their members.  The word holistic is used at least 5 times in this document to include a mind-body-spirit approach to wellness.  However, this initiative is most likely not standard in every firehouse in the country, and it is time to breathe life into this document.  The ILFFPS is in the early stages of creating an Holistic Wellness Initiative that aims to provide fire service members with educational resources they can implement to live a more balanced life. 

Firefighter Behavioral Health of Illinois

 

     So why call this a roundtable of Reality?  The following video conveys not only the reality of our profession, but also the reality of what this calling heaps upon us.