How Do You Want To Be Remembered?

   Today marks the 14^th anniversary in what was one of the darkest days in American history.  On September 11^th, 2001, the United States was attacked on its own soil and thousands of lives perished within less than a couple of hours.  The death toll continues to rise as each first responder or citizen who worked the pile, dies from either a respiratory disease or cancer.  With so many countless lives lost, I began to ask the question: What lasting impression did they leave on this world?

     When asking this question, I am not referring to their actions on that horrific day, but rather to the body of work or example they left behind for us to follow. Without having personal knowledge about those who perished, one is left to ponder what was or might have been. This begs the question: How do you or I want to be remembered while we can still make a difference in this world?

      I just finished reading the book The E Myth Revisited by Michael E. Gerber who touches on this very subject.  Mr. Gerber is a small business guru who has guided both start-ups and existing entities down the path to entrepreneurial success.  Mr. Gerber relates that in order to know what direction to take your business, you need to have a Primary Aim for your business development program (1995).  The Primary Aim is not about the business at all-it is about you the person.  In this exercise, the author asks us to tell our own life story by asking the following questions:

·         What kind of life do I want?

·         What do I want my life to look like, to feel like?

·         Who do I wish to be? (Gerber, p. 136)

 

     Gerber goes on to say that when you write this life story, do so as if it were your own eulogy because that is your Primary Aim- “Once you’ve created the script, all you need to do is make it come true.  All you need to do is begin living your life as if it were important.  All you need to do is take your life seriously.  To actively make your life into the life you wish it to be.” (Gerber, pp. 137-38).  It took me three days to write my own script where I described it as the three acts in life we pass through, and it was a very cathartic experience to say the least.  I envisioned what the third act in life (post-retirement) would be like, and that is the driving force behind my new business venture.

     Not everyone is going to open their own shop, but that shouldn’t deter one from doing this exercise for his/her own personal enrichment.  I don’t care whether you are (15, 50, or 80), it is never too late to take your life from where you are now, to how you want to be remembered for time and eternity.  On this solemn Patriot Day let us reflect on the lives lost, and envision how they were eulogized because that was their Primary Aim.  They did not have the time to thoughtfully craft their own-but we can.  Please try as this will make the world a much better place to live.

In Health and Wellness,

Tim

References

Gerber, M. (1995).  The E Myth Revisited: Why Most Small Businesses Don’t Work and What to Do About It.  New York: HarperCollins.

 

 

 

 

Never Say Can’t: The Indomitable Spirit of Humanity

Indomitable: That cannot be subdued or overcome, as persons, will or courage, unconquerable: an indomitable warrior (2015).

     Have you ever caught yourself throwing a pity party for and extensive period of time, and just bemoaning your fate?  Heaven knows I can say I have been there, done that, and got the free t-shirt.  As an almost 21 year member of the fire service I can say that it has been an honor and a privilege to answer the call for service to help others in need.  Yet all too often, I have found myself or colleagues, complaining of this, that, or the other thing (mainly of a trivial nature).  How is it that we can have the best job in the world, yet still find fault?  A common theme amongst firehouse mantras begin with the words “I can’t”, or “they can’t make us do that!”  Can’t make us do what? Our job? Guess again.

     Last week, a friend and I were discussing this common theme that plagues not only the fire service, but humanity in general.  My thoughts then turned to those who would do anything to have my job (and probably never complain), but circumstances prevent them from otherwise doing so.  I am talking about those that have physical or developmental disabilities.  Annually, the Special Olympics sponsors regional competition, and then converge every four years for the Special Olympics Games held in a host nation.  Some of the most heartwarming images of these warriors are captured for posterity, with the intent of inspiring a nation.     I then asked my friend (whose brother has cerebral palsy) if his sibling ever begrudges or complains about his condition, and the answer was a resounding no.

     Not only do we have the Special Olympians, we also have the para-athletes (wheelchair bound or not), many whom have come from the ranks of the combat military that served in the Middle East.  The stories of these individuals are equally inspiring.  Then there is the non-athlete such as my cousin who has been battling Multiple Sclerosis for several years now.  He told me one day that “I may not have much strength in my left leg, but God is letting my right still work so I can drive.” How inspiring is that?

 

     Granted, there are many people with similar circumstances who may not have as a positive outlook on life.  However, in my humble opinion, there is a common theme that runs amongst those that do.  For each gold medal won, or basketball sank (from the vantage point of a wheelchair), or every gallant step taken, or car driven these true heroes show us this: That they ungrudgingly have the courage to rise above their lot in life and display the indomitable spirit of humanity to the tune of Never Say Can’t.

 

     I have the greatest amount of respect for these people, and use the example they set as a constant reminder that I have nothing to complain about, and everything to be grateful for, no matter what has come before, or lies ahead as the years march on.  I leave you with this as food for thought.

 

In health and wellness,

Tim

References

Definition of Indomitable. (2015). Dictionary Reference. Retrieved August 28th, 2015, from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/indomitable

 

 

Live in the Moment as if Tomorrow Never Comes

     The other day when we were having dinner out on our deck, Judy began to wave her hand in front of my face and asked “What are you staring at?”  I suddenly realized that my gaze was focused on our backyard landscape and I replied, “I am looking at nothing in particular.”  I chuckled and then marveled in amazement that I had just uttered those words.  I was looking at nothing, but more importantly, I had absolutely no thoughts of either past or future events racing through my head.  In other words, I was just living in, and enjoying that moment in time.

 

 

     I have previously discussed the concept of mindfulness meditation which asks us to live moment by moment, without judgement of our thoughts as they pass through the mind.  We are to acknowledge their presence, let them go, and return to the present by focusing on our breath or a mantra.  This is known as a formal meditation practice where we sit with legs crossed, or lying down on a comfortable, but not too comfortable surface.  However, we can also have an informal meditative practice.

     An informal meditative practice can be just like I experienced at dinner, or slowly enjoying every bit of a meal from creation to digestion.  The point is to make it your own without restricting yourself to hard and fast rules such as a sitting meditation for 45 minutes to an hour.  My scene probably lasted no more than a minute or so, but the peace of (an empty) mind seemed more like an eternity.  I was in a total state of relaxation thinking about nothing, and that is what experienced meditators seek at the highest level.  For me, I embraced that moment for it was worth at the time because since then, my mind has returned to an intermittent wandering state.

     I share these thoughts with you all because life as we know it can be quite chaotic and unpredictable.  One day, we can be living our dream, and the next, life throws us a curve which steers us off course from the grand universal design.  Suddenly, we are asked to make choices that take us away from what we love, even if is only for awhile.  In order to find our way back, we need to live moment by moment, in the present, for we are not granted tomorrow.

     Last week, I visited my lawyer who presented me my official articles of organization for the Limited Liability Company I formed for a fitness training and health coaching business (stay tuned).  As I pulled into the parking lot, I was listening to the latest Zac Brown Band release called Tomorrow Never Comes.  Wouldn’t you know it, the Universe provided me an apropos start to this new venture.  Enjoy this song courtesy of YouTube.

 

 

 

In health, wellness, and much gratitude for those that helped me reach this point,

 

Tim

The Sunshine Blogger Award: An Honor I Humbly Accept and Share

To My Readers,

     About a week-and-a- half ago, I was nominated and received The Sunshine Blogger Award from fellow blogger and paramedic Natalie Harris, who hails from Canada.  I connected with Natalie via Twitter as we share the same passion for spreading the word about behavioral health issues that affect first responders. The link below is from Natalie’s original post:

Sunshine Blogger AwardWinner- ME!

     Thanks Nat for this nomination that recognizes my work.  You are a blogger extraordinaire in your own right, and I am honored to accept this recognition from you.

     Every nominee has the responsibility of answering the following questions, and then pays it forward by recognizing other bloggers in kind.

What is the most important thing to you?  The love and support of my wife Judy, who is my best friend in life. She was there with me through all the ups and downs of my struggle with PTSD, yet remained loyal through it all.

If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be?  I would go back to the Blue Ridge Mountains just outside of Asheville, North Carolina, because they had such a peaceful and mesmerizing effect on me.

What’s your favorite thing about blogging?  Writing and sharing what I have learned about life with others has been the most gratifying and healing experience I could have ever imagined.  We are only given so much time on this Earth and it is our fundamental duty as the member of the human race to leave it a little better off than we found it, before we leave it once again.

What’s your favorite thing about yourself?  It is my ability to be able to laugh and make fun of myself, especially when I act like a fool.  It is even more entertaining to watch Judy imitate me as I can laugh hours later about it.

What has been your biggest challenge in life so far?  My biggest challenge was struggling with post-traumatic stress for over a decade and a half.  Although I am healing with each passing day, I have found out that it takes a lot of hard work and energy to remain balanced considering I still work in a demanding and high stress occupation.

Do you believe in love at first sight?  I believe in attraction at first sight, but not love.  A relationship is forever organically evolving through time and takes effort to make it work.  As Saint Paul once wrote: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.”

Where do you see yourself in ten years?  A decade from now I will hopefully be retired six years from the fire department, and living in a more temperate climate than Illinois.  In the near future I will be starting a wellness consulting and fitness education business which I hope will flourish in its own right.

How many languages do you speak?  Two: English, and the made up twin language I have with my brother.

What do you thing is your best post so far?  Link it. http://abalancedlifeselfcare.blogspot.com/2015/06/swimming-in-love.html

What’s your favorite quote?  "Everyone is my teacher.  Some I seek.  Some I subconsciously attract.  Often I learn simply by observing others.  Some may be completely unaware that I'm learning from them, yet I bow deeply in gratitude." - Eric Allen

If you could recommend one fellow blogger for me to follow, who would it be, and why?  Natalie Harris (I have to pay it backwards on this one: http://paramedicnatsmentalhealthjourney.wordpress.com): Natalie is a paramedic from Canada who writes about her struggles with job-related post-traumatic stress, as well as issues from her own personal life.  She willingly shares her story in an effort to remove the stigma from behavioral health, and encourages others to do the same.

 

 

 

 

Now I will nominate my choices for a Sunshine Blogger’s Award:

1.      Natural Health Improvement Center

2.      Dr. Debra Lindh

3.      Safe Call Now

4.      American College of Healthcare Sciences

Now that you have received your peer “award” (and only if you care to), answer the same questions, and then nominate your own fellow bloggers.  You can post the Blogger Award picture to your own blog/website.

In Health and Wellness,

Tim

Inferno on the Interstate

     A fellow firefighter once told me that every first responder will always remember his/her top three calls that profoundly affected the psyche.  I am going to extend that sentiment to say that all human beings on Earth retain a similar number of events that will shape not only their personality, but also the way they move through life.  These events may have been buried in the subconsciousness as a protective mechanism, or forcibly as a way to hide the ugly truth.  At some point in our existence these truths will come back to bite us in the (you know where) . . .    

     The problem is that as a society, we have been conditioned to keep these experiences to ourselves and not talk about them, because to do so would be seen as a sign of weakness or defect.  I have said this before and it bears repeating: conversations about behavioral health need to become the norm instead of the exception to the rule. I truly believe in my heart that the more you tell your story the easier it becomes, and given time it will help to heal the wounds of the human experience. That being said, I present you with the number three event that I will always, always, remember. . . The inferno on the interstate.

     On a cool morning in May of 1997 at approximately 0100 hours (1 a.m.), we received the call for a vehicle accident with possible entrapment on a major interstate that passes through town.  Our department responded with an ambulance (myself and two other medics), and two engines carrying four other personnel between the two of them.  As the ambulance pulled up to the scene, I saw two firefighters putting a “knock on the fire” which left a huge, thick, white cloud of smoke that covered all three lanes on our side of the tollway.  It was upon closer examination that we realized the horror that this fire left in its wake.

     Shortly after extinguishment, a State Trooper related a witness account of this accident:  the damaged vehicle in question was traveling northbound in the southbound lanes of the highway when it struck a retaining wall and suddenly burst into flames.  The witness further recounted hearing several screaming voices coming from this huge fireball on the roadway, and then an immediate silence.  I remember running towards the car and looking inside to find three bodies, charred beyond recognition.  The first body (driver), was propelled through the windshield as it was obvious he had not worn a seatbelt.  The next thing I saw were two smaller bodies (also not restrained) stacked one on top of the other, and wedged in the space between the driver and front passenger’s seats. It was patently obvious to me that they were children. The events of the following three hours are what left a lasting impression on my psyche.

     The pieces of the puzzle were quickly put together by the State Police who discovered that the driver was involved in a hit and run accident in a town several miles from our deadly scene.  Witnesses of that incident stated that the driver had just left a bowling alley with his girlfriend’s two children (5 and 7 respectively), and while leaving the premises, struck another parked car and then fled the scene. By all accounts, he was driving under the influence of alcohol at that particular time.  As I learned of this, I became enraged at the fact that two innocent lives were lost because of an irresponsible adult charged with their care.  “He got what he deserved!!” I thought, as I kicked his car several times before walking away.  However, I still had a job to do and pressed on.

 

     Once an obvious death is confirmed, as a paramedics, we are responsible for getting an official pronouncement of time of said death(s).  This has never been an easy task for me because I have to relate the circumstances to a medical control nurse or doctor who then gives me a recorded time as well as a log number.  I remember becoming emotionally overwhelmed when I spoke with a nurse on the radio, who told me she was very sorry that I (we) had to see this.  This incident was concluded when private ambulances arrived to transport the bodies to the Medical Examiner’s Office.  As we reverently removed each corpse I felt sickened, guilty, and helpless that I could not do more to save their lives. I was only 2 ½ years into my career.

     These days I no longer carry the resentment for that male driver who cut short not only his life, but the lives of two others who were just beginning.  Now I can only wonder what those children would be doing at the ages of 23 and 25.  Sharing this story with you, my readers, extends the healing that I experience as I continue on my road to recovery from post-traumatic stress.  I encourage all of you to unburden yourselves of your top three as well.  In the previous posts titled One Cold and Lonely Night and A Florian Life, I shared my number one and number two in that order.  At the end of the day, as Bruce Hornsby put it: The Show Goes On.

In Health and Wellness,

 

Tim

 

 

 

 

 

From the Echoes of a Mind, a Unifying (Healing) Force was Born

When Twitter first arrived on scene as the latest social media tool, I was very leery about its purpose.  “Why would anyone want to tweet to the world about every moment of their day?  I thought.”  However, late last year, I joined this movement as a way to spread my message about behavioral health issues, and am grateful that I had a change of heart.  How so, one may ask at this juncture?  Let me tell you.



     I have written extensively about my struggles with post-traumatic stress (PTS), and within my tweets I included #PTSD.  As a result, I was followed by a woman named Kate Gillie, who resides as a neighbor just north of the United States borders.  Kate deeply struggles with PTS, far greater than I.  As a small child she “physically” (I use this term lightly) survived the violence of the Rhodesian Bush War of the 1970’s.  Kate eloquently tells her own story which you can read or follow at www.kategillieart.com.  Therefore, I will not expound on these details, but rather relate how my association with this kind soul via Twitter has been most beneficial to my own journey towards wellness.  For it was from the echoes of her mind, that a unifying (healing) force was born.

Courtesy of Kate Gillie

     Kate is the founder and voice for #PTSDChat, which as she put it: “was the brainchild of a friend who knew her way around the social media world, and knew what I wanted to accomplish” (sic) - that being, to advocate for others who share the same struggles as herself.  This weekly chat via Twitter brings together a legion of followers to include: military, fire, EMS, and law enforcement personnel; those who were abused/neglected/victims of violent crimes or witnessed the same; behavioral health specialists, and those who speak on behalf of the above mentioned groups.  Every Wednesday at 9 p.m. EST, a different topic is offered (such as the stigma of PTS) for all who attend to comment on.

     This dynamic platform allows those attending to relate their own personal stories, coping strategies, healing successes and/or struggles.  Some may enter the chat and observe because they are not ready, or it is too painful to share their feelings just yet.  In my humble opinion, even through observation the healing effect is felt, as like-minded people carry on a meaningful dialogue.  This is peer support (of the highest order) that is provided in a supportive and non-judgmental environment.  The ultimate goal is to provide education on PTS, end the stigma associated with behavioral health struggles, and comfort those who feel isolated from society at large.

 

     I am honored to attend these chats, share my story, and learn from others in kind.  #PTSDChat is a fine example of what it means to make this world a better place than we found it, before we leave it.  I know this is a daunting task, but every foundation is laid one brick at a time.  Thank you my fellow chat members for existing in this world in order to make this possible, as well as help each other heal.

     The echoes of the mind will never let us forget what we have seen or experienced first- hand, but this unifying force that has been created will most certainly ease that burden for years to come.

In Health and Wellness,

Tim

 

In the Face of Adversity, Always Have the Courage to Take the High Road

     In 1956, then Senator John F. Kennedy authored the book Profiles in Courage for which he received the Pulitzer Prize in 1957 (2000).  Kennedy chose to highlight the works of eight of his contemporaries who occupied the Senate Chamber long before he first stepped foot through those hallowed doors.  These men rose to a challenge (on certain issues) and stood by their convictions against either the populist views of the country, or the wishes of their own party line.  For several, it cost them either another term in Congress or a chance at the Presidency.  In the end, they maintained a high level of integrity at a sacrifice to their own personal aspirations, something Kennedy termed heroic (2000).  Facing adversity, they took the road less traveled, and left a lasting legacy to the advancement of these United States.

     While not all of us will ever aspire to political office; many, as a course of human design, will face our own challenges in life.  How we respond to and overcome these bumps in the road, can steer us to become something far greater than ourselves which, in the end, will benefit humankind for ages to come.  Leading from the front (and not standing on the sidelines) is one of the best ways to teach others how to always take the high road.  Let’s explore examples from everyday life:

·         In a story coming out of Chicago earlier this year, a young girl lost her battle with the most aggressive form of Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. Instead of curling up in a ball and accepting the fate that she was dealt, this inspirational individual began to advocate for others who may beset with the same illness by asking that fundraising efforts for research into this disease continue long after she was gone. Her story commanded a strong social media presence that brought light to this terminal illness for which she will always be remembered.

·         Think of a time when you stood by a friend, family member, or work colleague when he or she was in dire straits due to circumstance; only to be ridiculed by others in your circle who had turned their backs on this same individual.  Even though it cut against the grain of the majority view, the lasting friendship that you maintained and strengthened, more than likely outweighed the others that fell by the wayside.  A great reward (example of courage) in and of itself.

     In the foreword to the 1964 memorial edition of Profiles in Courage, Robert F. Kennedy left us with some sage advice that still rings true to this day when he said: “This book is not just the stories of the past, but a book of hope and confidence for the future.  What happens to the country, to the world, depends on what we do with what others have left us.”  The next time you are faced with adversity what are you going to do:  take the high road or remain idly on the sidelines subservient to the majority view?  In the end I leave that for you to decide on how you want to be remembered.

     On this past Wednesday, during the 2015 ESPY’s, the Pat Tillman Award for Service was presented to Danielle Green.  Her story is an example of how one could rise above circumstances for the benefit of the greater good.  Enjoy this short inspirational video-

 

 

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References

Kennedy, J.F. (2000). Profiles in Courage (Perennial Classics ed.).  New York: HarperPerennial.