Transitions

     There are many transitions in life that one goes through while walking this planet Earth of ours: infancy through childhood, elementary to high school to college or vocational school, dating to marriage, moving from city to city or state to state, and young to elderly adult.  However, the greatest transition in life is made when we move from the earthly to eternal life (life into infinity).  It is the final exclamation point on our life’s purpose for which we will be most remembered.

     Earlier this week, I attended the wake and funeral of a friend’s dad and my thoughts began to drift back to the beginning of this year.  For some reason, either people I know directly or those from my extended circle (or those they know) have transitioned from this world.  Ask me why and I can truthfully say I do not have the answer. As far as I can figure it, these chosen many were called to sleep with the angels because their mission in this lifetime was completed.  It is the lesson(s) they leave behind for us to take note of is what’s most important to our peace of mind.  Usually, it is some snippet of wisdom that they impart in the days or weeks prior to their departure.

     A few that have left this year were due to an illness diagnosed too late for any chance at full recovery.  The common parting instructions were for us to take care of ourselves from a health standpoint, and not ignore the early warning signs. Others were shut off from this world either due to behavioral health or dementia issues, and thus left us only to wonder why they transitioned, as they had no final words they could or would not articulate.  However, it is the body of work completed during their lifetime that we can glean the most to guide us in the right direction.  The snapshot of a person’s life is covered in none other than their eulogy.  Which brings me to my next case in point.

 

     When my friend’s dad died, he asked me for some assistance in shaping the eulogy he was about to give.  I offered a few suggestions, and he thanked me profusely for my help.  In the end, he eloquently covered 69 years of a man’s life which was all delivered from the heart.  I could not have been more proud of my friend who was never truly comfortable with public speaking.  Last week, I talked about writing your own eulogy by fully investing in your third act in life.  I say again, why wait for someone to write your final send off.  Do it yourself, make it happen, and live for how you can truly make a difference in this world.  As we the living, still have a mission that must be completed prior to our final transition.

Here are a few bullet points (lessons learned) I grabbed off of the universal timeline from the dearly departed I would like to share that may assist you in shaping the rest of your life:

1.      Take care of yourself from a health standpoint, and don’t ignore the warning signs.

2.      If you have children, prepare them to be the greatest legacy you leave behind to carry on your work.

3.      Only spend time on things that matter.

4.      Design the life you want to be most remembered for.

5.      If you have behavioral health issues don’t isolate yourself from society.  Someone out there has walked the same green mile, and can guide you through your darkest days.

6.      Live in the moment as if tomorrow never comes (best way to make the most of each day you are granted).

7.       Finally: In the face of adversity, always have the courage to take the high road

 

 

     Zac Brown wrote the following song and dedicated it to anyone who has lost someone in this world.  It is a toast to how they both lived and loved: enjoy.

 

 

In health and wellness,

 

Tim

Spending Time On Things That Matter

     On September 11^th, Judy and I had the great fortune to attend the Zac Brown Band concert at Wrigley Field.  I knew going in that this would be a great show because Zac and company are ultra-patriotic.  After the third song on the playlist, Zac spoke about Patriot Day and what it meant to him.  He said that on that day he realized he would no longer spend time on things that don’t matter, and only on things that do.  He talked about paying it forward (or giving back) as a way of saying thanks for the blessings he has received in this lifetime.

     In the days following, I decided that I was going to write a blog post about that experience, but I needed to sit with the concept awhile and just live in and re-live the moments of that night.  Eventually, what I had to say would be drawn from inspiration.  Last post, I discussed writing the Primary Aim of what you want to be most remembered for time and eternity.  It took me three days to write mine because this was going to be some serious stuff.  For all intents and purposes, I was going to be writing the eulogy of my life (how extraordinarily powerful is that!!).  So how does one go about completing such a task? 

     The first thing I suggest is to sit with it awhile and visualize what you want your life (or the rest of it) to be like.  My yoga instructor Claudia always says this when we have to do a challenging kriya (set of exercises): “The US Olympic Team uses visualization as part of their training towards victory.  If it is good enough for them to use, then it’s good enough for us.”  Take it from me that visualization does in fact work especially when I am holding a plank pose for two minutes or longer- I see myself completing said task.  The same goes for creating the kind of life I want: I sat with it for a while before I ever put the pen to the paper.

    My second suggestion is to take a page out of Zac Brown’s book and spend only time on things that matter.  Search inside your soul for something that is near and dear to your heart, it could be a cause, or a personal mission for making this world a better place to live.  For example, Zac used to go to summer camp and eventually became a counselor. This, Zac said, had a profound influence on his life.  He translated this experience into an organization he created called Camp Southern Ground.  Each year a camp is held for developmentally disabled children, those with autism, etc. The rest of the year is spent on research and development activities.  For each ticket sold for his concerts, he donates one dollar towards this worthy cause.  The end result of this fund raising will create a camp that is over 400 acres large, and I invite you to click on the link above to find out what this buzz is all about.

     Finally, once you have sat with your life awhile, visualized it, and decided what you want to be most remembered for- put the pen to the paper.  This is your story for you and you alone.  Once completed, go back and read Michael Gerber’s suggestions as found in my 9/11 post.  The epilogue to your life is what I call the third act, which I feel is the best act, and one that can have the greatest impact on humanity-at-large.  Write away my friends, write away.

 

 

This is Zac’s Visualization of his life:

 

 

 

 

In health and wellness,

 

Tim

How Do You Want To Be Remembered?

   Today marks the 14^th anniversary in what was one of the darkest days in American history.  On September 11^th, 2001, the United States was attacked on its own soil and thousands of lives perished within less than a couple of hours.  The death toll continues to rise as each first responder or citizen who worked the pile, dies from either a respiratory disease or cancer.  With so many countless lives lost, I began to ask the question: What lasting impression did they leave on this world?

     When asking this question, I am not referring to their actions on that horrific day, but rather to the body of work or example they left behind for us to follow. Without having personal knowledge about those who perished, one is left to ponder what was or might have been. This begs the question: How do you or I want to be remembered while we can still make a difference in this world?

      I just finished reading the book The E Myth Revisited by Michael E. Gerber who touches on this very subject.  Mr. Gerber is a small business guru who has guided both start-ups and existing entities down the path to entrepreneurial success.  Mr. Gerber relates that in order to know what direction to take your business, you need to have a Primary Aim for your business development program (1995).  The Primary Aim is not about the business at all-it is about you the person.  In this exercise, the author asks us to tell our own life story by asking the following questions:

·         What kind of life do I want?

·         What do I want my life to look like, to feel like?

·         Who do I wish to be? (Gerber, p. 136)

 

     Gerber goes on to say that when you write this life story, do so as if it were your own eulogy because that is your Primary Aim- “Once you’ve created the script, all you need to do is make it come true.  All you need to do is begin living your life as if it were important.  All you need to do is take your life seriously.  To actively make your life into the life you wish it to be.” (Gerber, pp. 137-38).  It took me three days to write my own script where I described it as the three acts in life we pass through, and it was a very cathartic experience to say the least.  I envisioned what the third act in life (post-retirement) would be like, and that is the driving force behind my new business venture.

     Not everyone is going to open their own shop, but that shouldn’t deter one from doing this exercise for his/her own personal enrichment.  I don’t care whether you are (15, 50, or 80), it is never too late to take your life from where you are now, to how you want to be remembered for time and eternity.  On this solemn Patriot Day let us reflect on the lives lost, and envision how they were eulogized because that was their Primary Aim.  They did not have the time to thoughtfully craft their own-but we can.  Please try as this will make the world a much better place to live.

In Health and Wellness,

Tim

References

Gerber, M. (1995).  The E Myth Revisited: Why Most Small Businesses Don’t Work and What to Do About It.  New York: HarperCollins.

 

 

 

 

Never Say Can’t: The Indomitable Spirit of Humanity

Indomitable: That cannot be subdued or overcome, as persons, will or courage, unconquerable: an indomitable warrior (2015).

     Have you ever caught yourself throwing a pity party for and extensive period of time, and just bemoaning your fate?  Heaven knows I can say I have been there, done that, and got the free t-shirt.  As an almost 21 year member of the fire service I can say that it has been an honor and a privilege to answer the call for service to help others in need.  Yet all too often, I have found myself or colleagues, complaining of this, that, or the other thing (mainly of a trivial nature).  How is it that we can have the best job in the world, yet still find fault?  A common theme amongst firehouse mantras begin with the words “I can’t”, or “they can’t make us do that!”  Can’t make us do what? Our job? Guess again.

     Last week, a friend and I were discussing this common theme that plagues not only the fire service, but humanity in general.  My thoughts then turned to those who would do anything to have my job (and probably never complain), but circumstances prevent them from otherwise doing so.  I am talking about those that have physical or developmental disabilities.  Annually, the Special Olympics sponsors regional competition, and then converge every four years for the Special Olympics Games held in a host nation.  Some of the most heartwarming images of these warriors are captured for posterity, with the intent of inspiring a nation.     I then asked my friend (whose brother has cerebral palsy) if his sibling ever begrudges or complains about his condition, and the answer was a resounding no.

     Not only do we have the Special Olympians, we also have the para-athletes (wheelchair bound or not), many whom have come from the ranks of the combat military that served in the Middle East.  The stories of these individuals are equally inspiring.  Then there is the non-athlete such as my cousin who has been battling Multiple Sclerosis for several years now.  He told me one day that “I may not have much strength in my left leg, but God is letting my right still work so I can drive.” How inspiring is that?

 

     Granted, there are many people with similar circumstances who may not have as a positive outlook on life.  However, in my humble opinion, there is a common theme that runs amongst those that do.  For each gold medal won, or basketball sank (from the vantage point of a wheelchair), or every gallant step taken, or car driven these true heroes show us this: That they ungrudgingly have the courage to rise above their lot in life and display the indomitable spirit of humanity to the tune of Never Say Can’t.

 

     I have the greatest amount of respect for these people, and use the example they set as a constant reminder that I have nothing to complain about, and everything to be grateful for, no matter what has come before, or lies ahead as the years march on.  I leave you with this as food for thought.

 

In health and wellness,

Tim

References

Definition of Indomitable. (2015). Dictionary Reference. Retrieved August 28th, 2015, from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/indomitable

 

 

Live in the Moment as if Tomorrow Never Comes

     The other day when we were having dinner out on our deck, Judy began to wave her hand in front of my face and asked “What are you staring at?”  I suddenly realized that my gaze was focused on our backyard landscape and I replied, “I am looking at nothing in particular.”  I chuckled and then marveled in amazement that I had just uttered those words.  I was looking at nothing, but more importantly, I had absolutely no thoughts of either past or future events racing through my head.  In other words, I was just living in, and enjoying that moment in time.

 

 

     I have previously discussed the concept of mindfulness meditation which asks us to live moment by moment, without judgement of our thoughts as they pass through the mind.  We are to acknowledge their presence, let them go, and return to the present by focusing on our breath or a mantra.  This is known as a formal meditation practice where we sit with legs crossed, or lying down on a comfortable, but not too comfortable surface.  However, we can also have an informal meditative practice.

     An informal meditative practice can be just like I experienced at dinner, or slowly enjoying every bit of a meal from creation to digestion.  The point is to make it your own without restricting yourself to hard and fast rules such as a sitting meditation for 45 minutes to an hour.  My scene probably lasted no more than a minute or so, but the peace of (an empty) mind seemed more like an eternity.  I was in a total state of relaxation thinking about nothing, and that is what experienced meditators seek at the highest level.  For me, I embraced that moment for it was worth at the time because since then, my mind has returned to an intermittent wandering state.

     I share these thoughts with you all because life as we know it can be quite chaotic and unpredictable.  One day, we can be living our dream, and the next, life throws us a curve which steers us off course from the grand universal design.  Suddenly, we are asked to make choices that take us away from what we love, even if is only for awhile.  In order to find our way back, we need to live moment by moment, in the present, for we are not granted tomorrow.

     Last week, I visited my lawyer who presented me my official articles of organization for the Limited Liability Company I formed for a fitness training and health coaching business (stay tuned).  As I pulled into the parking lot, I was listening to the latest Zac Brown Band release called Tomorrow Never Comes.  Wouldn’t you know it, the Universe provided me an apropos start to this new venture.  Enjoy this song courtesy of YouTube.

 

 

 

In health, wellness, and much gratitude for those that helped me reach this point,

 

Tim

The Sunshine Blogger Award: An Honor I Humbly Accept and Share

To My Readers,

     About a week-and-a- half ago, I was nominated and received The Sunshine Blogger Award from fellow blogger and paramedic Natalie Harris, who hails from Canada.  I connected with Natalie via Twitter as we share the same passion for spreading the word about behavioral health issues that affect first responders. The link below is from Natalie’s original post:

Sunshine Blogger AwardWinner- ME!

     Thanks Nat for this nomination that recognizes my work.  You are a blogger extraordinaire in your own right, and I am honored to accept this recognition from you.

     Every nominee has the responsibility of answering the following questions, and then pays it forward by recognizing other bloggers in kind.

What is the most important thing to you?  The love and support of my wife Judy, who is my best friend in life. She was there with me through all the ups and downs of my struggle with PTSD, yet remained loyal through it all.

If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be?  I would go back to the Blue Ridge Mountains just outside of Asheville, North Carolina, because they had such a peaceful and mesmerizing effect on me.

What’s your favorite thing about blogging?  Writing and sharing what I have learned about life with others has been the most gratifying and healing experience I could have ever imagined.  We are only given so much time on this Earth and it is our fundamental duty as the member of the human race to leave it a little better off than we found it, before we leave it once again.

What’s your favorite thing about yourself?  It is my ability to be able to laugh and make fun of myself, especially when I act like a fool.  It is even more entertaining to watch Judy imitate me as I can laugh hours later about it.

What has been your biggest challenge in life so far?  My biggest challenge was struggling with post-traumatic stress for over a decade and a half.  Although I am healing with each passing day, I have found out that it takes a lot of hard work and energy to remain balanced considering I still work in a demanding and high stress occupation.

Do you believe in love at first sight?  I believe in attraction at first sight, but not love.  A relationship is forever organically evolving through time and takes effort to make it work.  As Saint Paul once wrote: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.”

Where do you see yourself in ten years?  A decade from now I will hopefully be retired six years from the fire department, and living in a more temperate climate than Illinois.  In the near future I will be starting a wellness consulting and fitness education business which I hope will flourish in its own right.

How many languages do you speak?  Two: English, and the made up twin language I have with my brother.

What do you thing is your best post so far?  Link it. http://abalancedlifeselfcare.blogspot.com/2015/06/swimming-in-love.html

What’s your favorite quote?  "Everyone is my teacher.  Some I seek.  Some I subconsciously attract.  Often I learn simply by observing others.  Some may be completely unaware that I'm learning from them, yet I bow deeply in gratitude." - Eric Allen

If you could recommend one fellow blogger for me to follow, who would it be, and why?  Natalie Harris (I have to pay it backwards on this one: http://paramedicnatsmentalhealthjourney.wordpress.com): Natalie is a paramedic from Canada who writes about her struggles with job-related post-traumatic stress, as well as issues from her own personal life.  She willingly shares her story in an effort to remove the stigma from behavioral health, and encourages others to do the same.

 

 

 

 

Now I will nominate my choices for a Sunshine Blogger’s Award:

1.      Natural Health Improvement Center

2.      Dr. Debra Lindh

3.      Safe Call Now

4.      American College of Healthcare Sciences

Now that you have received your peer “award” (and only if you care to), answer the same questions, and then nominate your own fellow bloggers.  You can post the Blogger Award picture to your own blog/website.

In Health and Wellness,

Tim

Inferno on the Interstate

     A fellow firefighter once told me that every first responder will always remember his/her top three calls that profoundly affected the psyche.  I am going to extend that sentiment to say that all human beings on Earth retain a similar number of events that will shape not only their personality, but also the way they move through life.  These events may have been buried in the subconsciousness as a protective mechanism, or forcibly as a way to hide the ugly truth.  At some point in our existence these truths will come back to bite us in the (you know where) . . .    

     The problem is that as a society, we have been conditioned to keep these experiences to ourselves and not talk about them, because to do so would be seen as a sign of weakness or defect.  I have said this before and it bears repeating: conversations about behavioral health need to become the norm instead of the exception to the rule. I truly believe in my heart that the more you tell your story the easier it becomes, and given time it will help to heal the wounds of the human experience. That being said, I present you with the number three event that I will always, always, remember. . . The inferno on the interstate.

     On a cool morning in May of 1997 at approximately 0100 hours (1 a.m.), we received the call for a vehicle accident with possible entrapment on a major interstate that passes through town.  Our department responded with an ambulance (myself and two other medics), and two engines carrying four other personnel between the two of them.  As the ambulance pulled up to the scene, I saw two firefighters putting a “knock on the fire” which left a huge, thick, white cloud of smoke that covered all three lanes on our side of the tollway.  It was upon closer examination that we realized the horror that this fire left in its wake.

     Shortly after extinguishment, a State Trooper related a witness account of this accident:  the damaged vehicle in question was traveling northbound in the southbound lanes of the highway when it struck a retaining wall and suddenly burst into flames.  The witness further recounted hearing several screaming voices coming from this huge fireball on the roadway, and then an immediate silence.  I remember running towards the car and looking inside to find three bodies, charred beyond recognition.  The first body (driver), was propelled through the windshield as it was obvious he had not worn a seatbelt.  The next thing I saw were two smaller bodies (also not restrained) stacked one on top of the other, and wedged in the space between the driver and front passenger’s seats. It was patently obvious to me that they were children. The events of the following three hours are what left a lasting impression on my psyche.

     The pieces of the puzzle were quickly put together by the State Police who discovered that the driver was involved in a hit and run accident in a town several miles from our deadly scene.  Witnesses of that incident stated that the driver had just left a bowling alley with his girlfriend’s two children (5 and 7 respectively), and while leaving the premises, struck another parked car and then fled the scene. By all accounts, he was driving under the influence of alcohol at that particular time.  As I learned of this, I became enraged at the fact that two innocent lives were lost because of an irresponsible adult charged with their care.  “He got what he deserved!!” I thought, as I kicked his car several times before walking away.  However, I still had a job to do and pressed on.

 

     Once an obvious death is confirmed, as a paramedics, we are responsible for getting an official pronouncement of time of said death(s).  This has never been an easy task for me because I have to relate the circumstances to a medical control nurse or doctor who then gives me a recorded time as well as a log number.  I remember becoming emotionally overwhelmed when I spoke with a nurse on the radio, who told me she was very sorry that I (we) had to see this.  This incident was concluded when private ambulances arrived to transport the bodies to the Medical Examiner’s Office.  As we reverently removed each corpse I felt sickened, guilty, and helpless that I could not do more to save their lives. I was only 2 ½ years into my career.

     These days I no longer carry the resentment for that male driver who cut short not only his life, but the lives of two others who were just beginning.  Now I can only wonder what those children would be doing at the ages of 23 and 25.  Sharing this story with you, my readers, extends the healing that I experience as I continue on my road to recovery from post-traumatic stress.  I encourage all of you to unburden yourselves of your top three as well.  In the previous posts titled One Cold and Lonely Night and A Florian Life, I shared my number one and number two in that order.  At the end of the day, as Bruce Hornsby put it: The Show Goes On.

In Health and Wellness,

 

Tim