The Forever Rainbow Bridge

     In almost 22 years as a firefighter, the one thing I have learned is that some of the best/worst conversations happen at the kitchen table, and last week was no different.  Usually a shift change starts with everyone gathering at the table to recount the activities of the day before, as well as to pass along any pertinent information.  The morning news plays out on the TV behind us, mainly as noise-but sometimes a story can catch our attention.

     One such story touched on the concept of corporations who allow their employees the opportunity to take either a bereavement day or flex time in order to mourn the loss of a beloved pet (as well as to spend time with a child following such an event). One of my crewmates began to voice his opinion loudly that this was the stupidest thing he had ever heard- basically saying people need to just suck it up and move on.  I only internally disagreed with his statement, as it was neither the time nor place to make a counterassault.

       Instead, I researched this topic further and found a CBS News article titled Some companies letting employees take off work after pet dies which broached this very subject.  One argument against this type of practice begged the question “Where does one draw the line on the type of pets that warrant such time off (dog, cat, reptile, bird)?”   Being a major pet lover myself, as well as someone who does not have children, I can tell you most assuredly that the loss of a pet is very devastating to the psyche, and as the referenced article indicated-it can be very difficult to function for several days or weeks following.  Especially if the pet in question serves as a de facto child.  So why expound upon this topic?

     On the very next shift day the Universe provided me both the inspiration (to pen this post), as well as the answer to my question.  Our crew responded to a working structure fire in a two-story single family residence.  When we arrived on scene the house was well-involved on the first and second floors.  The owner was able to escape from harm, but notified the firefighters that he owned a dog and cat that were still inside.  At this point, I was assigned as a sector officer on one side of the building.  I informed the working crews to look for these animals as they continued with suppression efforts.  Several minutes later, the crews exited the building with the lifeless body of a cat and a dog.  My heart was heavy as the firefighters solemnly laid these pets on the side of the driveway.  I closed my eyes and invoked St. Francis to provide them safe passage across the Rainbow Bridge.   Approximately 40 minutes later as we were returning to quarters, a second homeowner arrived on scene.  The lasting image that was imprinted on my brain was a woman collapsing (full of grief and mental anguish) into the arms of a neighbor.  She lost not only a home, but her faithful companions as well.

St. Francis

 

     Just imagine this scene, and tell me whether or not it is too far-fetched for companies to offer pet bereavement days.  What if these people had small school-aged children they needed to inform of the pet deaths?   While my crewmate is entitled to his opinion that adults should “suck it up”, I believe the time off would be critically important to spend with their young ones to guide them through the emotional turmoil they are now experiencing.  It has been almost 8 years since Judy and I had to euthanize our beloved dog Chief.  At that time, a friend of ours gave us a copy of The Rainbow Bridge (author unknown) to offer us comfort.  I now share this same poem in dedication to the pet lives lost last week.

The Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

In Health and Wellness,

Tim

References

Some companies letting employees take off work after pet dies (2016, March 14).  Retrieved from CBS News: http://www.cbsnews.com/news/some-companies-letting-employees-take-off-work-after-pet-dies/ on 3/20/2016.

Rainbow Bridge Poem.  Retrieved from https://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm on 3/20/2016.

The Weight of the Oath

     Last week, I watched the movie American Sniper for the first time and realized why I had not when it was first released at theaters across the country.  The plot revolved around the war time service of Navy Seal Chris Kyle who was one of the most prolific snipers in military history.  The majority of the scenes showed graphic images of war as well as Kyle’s battle with PTSD (a topic that resonates strongly with me).  By the movie’s account, Kyle- an American patriot who believed strongly in the defense of our country, overcame his behavioral health struggles by helping other veterans-in-kind.  Chris Kyle was killed by one of these veterans (he was assisting) on a shooting range in 2013.  The oath of enlistment that he took came with a heavy weight attached- something that is shared by all public servants alike (fire, police, emergency dispatcher, et al).

     In general, as a public servant you are asked to swear an oath to uphold the Constitution of the United States, the state in which you reside, the municipal ordinances of your village, as well as to faithfully discharged the duties of the position to which you are employed.  Prior to the actual date of employment, the prospective public servant is told (at an orientation) all about the work schedule, hours, benefits, and time off that comes with the job, but never about the toll exacted on the mind, body, and spirit by the weight of said oath.  Let me show you what I mean.

     When it comes to emergency dispatchers, I have always told the ones I work with that they are the life line to the police officers and fire fighters who respond to the calls for assistance. From a behavioral health aspect, dispatchers are often left behind when it comes to available resources that specifically deal with their profession.  Imagine answering the 911 call to find a panic-stricken citizen screaming for help because someone is breaking into his/her home to do them bodily harm.  The dispatcher must multi-task by staying with the caller, as well as sending the appropriate agency to mitigate the situation.  The minutes must seem like hours as the dispatcher “internally prays” that help arrives before a tragedy occurs.  There is not a doubt in my mind that the stress response is heightened, and without relief can become chronic.  This professional is equally vulnerable to PTSD as their counterparts on the street.

     Police officers and firefighters (local, county, state, and federal) often work in concert at emergency scenes that make them prone to behavioral health issues as well.  Exposure to homicides, suicides, domestic violence, psychiatric calls, and communicable diseases (to name a few) can wreak havoc with either profession.  Additionally, these public servants may spend extended time at an incident, all the while exposed to the environmental elements of the different seasons of the year.  Both physical and psychological fatigue (susceptibility to PTSD) can set in as the weight of the oath takes its toll from many years on the job.  For some, years on the job may be only one or two when these injuries occur.

 

     Public servants- military, fire, police, and dispatch all swear to uphold the laws of this land and protect the public (country) at-large.  The life of the public servant is always about the unknown with each incident, and as a result is accompanied by a cumulative emotional exhaustion.  Many will never admit they need help with behavioral health housekeeping (so to speak), because asking for help is seen as a sign of weakness.  Therefore, I ask all of my fellow servants to seek help either in the form of peer support, counseling, or group therapy as a way to maintain balance.  Ask for assistance as this is not a sign of weakness, but rather a show of courage.  Reach out before this weight becomes too heavy.

 

In health and wellness,

Tim

Available Resources

Web

Illinois Firefighter Peer Support  www.ilffps.org

Safe Call Now  www.safecallnow.org

Please check the state and/or country in which you reside for further resources.  The above are just a couple to get you started on the road to wellness, and I ask all who read this to please add to this list in the comments section of the blog.

When a Lapse Occurs

     Last week I discussed a couple of triggers that I had avoided (but revisited) in the interest of maintaining a balanced existence on my road to healing.  In retrospect, I did not articulate my point very well and some may have noted sarcasm at the end of the commentary (I meant to offend no one and if I did so- I apologize).  After reading between the lines I realized that what had happened to me was a lapse in my healing program.  A lapse is defined as “a short-term disruption” where as a relapse is “a return to one’s former behaviors and the act of “giving up” (ACE, 2013).  So what can one do to prevent a total relapse?

     Whether one is participating in either a healing, exercise, or behavioral modification program- the first thing to recognize is that lapses (stumbles if you will), are going to happen.  We are not perfect beings and even if we are feeling good about ourselves, temporary roadblocks can and do occur, it’s a fact of life.  For example: injury, work obligations, temptations from food, and overconfidence (in my case) can steer the ship off course.  Here are a few strategies that can help to right your personal ship:

Don’t be hard on yourself

     First and foremost, do not beat yourself up for a lapse.  Get back up, dust yourself off and reflect on all the successes you have had up to this point in your program.  Even if you are at the very beginning when the lapse occurs, keep telling yourself that “This was just a little detour, but if I continue to follow the road signs I will be redirected back to my original path” (towards healing, improved health, etc.).  Remember, we are only human.

Reflect

     With any type of self-improvement program, it is always a good idea to record both the successes and barriers to each day in a journal.  In the event of a lapse, be honest and record what happened or why you think it occurred.  Was there an environmental stressor at work or home?  If you had a great day, what made it so and how did you feel about your progress?  Your journal can be a great reference tool, especially if you have the same type of repeated lapses.  It can help to reestablish a connection with your goals since “you had been there, and done that before.”

 

Hang with like-minded people

     Embarking on a self-improvement program can often times be a daunting task that will be better served with a support system.  Always remember that there are many people who have walked this journey before you, and their experiences can become your best teacher.  Seek out peer support groups that resonate with your mission (improved health, addictions, behavioral health, exercise, etc.).  These groups are generally facilitated by an industry leader, but in reality it is the participants who in time, become the true educators.  Both successes and lapses are shared with encouragement abound.  If group support is not your thing, then seek out a qualified coach or counselor that can best serve your needs.  At the end of the day SHARING = HEALING.

     Lapses are a part of life that can be recovered from both with self-reflection and a solid support system.  Ultimately, we do not want to return to the former shadow of ourselves (relapse).  If you stumble: continue to practice inward loving kindness, (and in the words of Jimmy Buffett) breathe in, breathe out -move on.   For tomorrow is another day to begin anew.

 

 

In Health and Wellness,

Tim

References

Bryant, C., Green, D., & Merrill, S. (Eds.).  (2013). Ace Health Coach Manual: The Ultimate Guide to Wellness, Fitness, & Lifestyle Change.  San Diego: American Council on Exercise.

You Can’t Go Home Again

     In a season 7 episode of the epic television series Magnum PI titled Going Home, the main character Thomas Magnum returns home to attend his grandfather’s funeral.  At the closing scene, Magnum quoted writer Thomas Wolfe and added his own twist when he said “Thomas Wolfe once wrote “You can’t go home again” – but it sure as hell doesn’t hurt to try.”  I will agree in part with Magnum’s addition by saying it is okay to return home to visit family, friends, and old colleagues, but not so much when revisiting old triggers.  Bear with me as I share my thoughts.

     It has been almost two years since I began my healing journey from PTSD and there are many lessons that I learned along the way- one being, the identification of triggers to anger, stress, etc.  Through journaling, meditation, and self-reflection I identified two of my biggest Achilles’ heels: reading the newspaper or watching the evening newscasts.  During the height of my hyperarousal from PTSD, I couldn’t even read the newspaper or watch the news without yelling, throwing a pillow at the TV, or flipping the bird in the direction of what became aggravating to me.  My counselor advised that I was going to have to learn to separate myself from situational triggers such as the daily news if it did not serve me well or caused undue stress. At that time, I resolved to only watch the weather and sports, and read only the Arts/Entertainment/travel sections, as well as the sports pages.  During the majority of a newscast I meditated. This strategy has worked well for me until about a week ago when I decided to go home again.

     I had been feeling very good about myself, and more balanced than I could recall in recent years.  One might even say that I dared to throw caution to the wind and revisit things that once haunted me.  Last week, I decided to test the waters by reading the rest of the paper and watch the beginning of the newscast with the strong belief that I was grounded enough to handle it- not.  I could not even make it a few minutes into the broadcast when the middle finger popped up in the direction of the TV.  It was more the same when I started to read a news story about decisions being made by our legislators in Springfield.  Even though I made great strides in healing, these two things may forever be hot button triggers that I must continue to avoid in the interest of my physical and mental well-being.

     Some may disagree with my position statement so I will offer final thoughts on this subject matter.  If you struggle with events from your past that cause you emotional unrest, then it may be appropriate to “return home” to seek closure.   However, from my own personal experience, it would be most beneficial to seek the assistance of a licensed professional clinical counselor who can advise you on the best way to revisit old wounds.  My belief is that once closure is gained (if you do in fact), listen to Mr. Wolfe and don’t return home in the interest of a more balanced existence.  As for me and the news media, I like the Mark Twain quote that a friend recently sent my way:

“If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed.  If you read the newspaper you’re mis-informed.”   I’m just saying.

In Health and Wellness,

Tim

The Universal Timeline

     As both 2015 and the second full year of this blog quickly come to a close, I want to leave you with some final food for thought.  A few months ago in a post titled Transitions (10/1/15), I referenced the universal timeline from which I pulled off some of life’s lessons left behind by the dearly departed.  So just exactly what is this timeline of which I speak?

     While sitting to pen this post, my thoughts drifted back to the day of my Dad’s wake a few years ago where I delivered his eulogy.  I remember relating the lessons I learned about the quality of his character and personality.  It was during this recounting that I spoke about the all -encompassing universal timeline where each of us deposits both positive and negative aspects of our existence into the bank of life, and it is here where all humanity can withdraw from either type of account.  To make this more concrete, think of what I am saying in terms of positive and negative energy:  How do you feel when a person in a foul mood walks into the room of an otherwise upbeat environment?  Does it change the atmosphere?  Did you or others absorb some of this negative energy (aka make a withdrawal from the negative bank account)?  So why discuss this?

     The universal timeline is a tool with great change-agent capabilities for both good and bad.  Think about it. A substantial way in which we make negative deposits/withdrawals is via news media outlets.  I can recall countless times where the first 15 minutes of the evening newscast was devoted to delivering bad news about war, social unrest, terrorism, and local crimes that were committed.  The media cannot be totally faulted because it is their job to report these types of events.  However, the more we are exposed to the negative side of life-the more negative we can become (at least it has been my own personal experience that negativity begets negativity).  With the constant bombardment of the same storyline over several weeks or months, it’s no wonder why so many people hold a bleak outlook on life.  We need to change the course direction of this world and become change agents for positivity.

     Throughout time, countless stories (both reality and fiction) have told the tales of good triumphing over evil/bad.  In order to course correct, collectively as a human race we need to make far more positive deposits on to the universal timeline to be made available for others to withdrawal from.  How we do this is a personal, group, or organizational responsibility.  The bottom line is that if we fill the world with vast amounts of positivity, then it/they will beget positivity.  It should be the part of everyone’s personal vision to include the following concepts to:

·         THINK POSITIVE

·         BE POSITIVE

·         SPEAK POSITIVE

·         LIVE POSITIVE

·         LOVE POSITIVE

     Imagine what this world would be like if all the media could report on was good, wholesome stories.  A daunting task, but 2016 is just the new beginning we can use to take these first steps.  Maybe John Lennon was on to something J

 

 

In Health, Wellness, and a Happy New Year,

Tim

The Gift of Free Will

     As the days move quickly towards the Christmas holiday, both online and brick-and-mortar stores are overflowing with consumers who want to be the first to get the latest and greatest clothing, gadget, or cellular phone.  Our world has become so materialistic that we have cast aside the most intangible and greatest of gifts- free will.

 

 

     Over a week ago, I was in St. Terrence Church listening to Father Mulcahy’s homily where he spoke about this great gift.  He related that free will was bestowed upon humankind to do with whatever he/she chooses-  mostly for good, but sometimes bad as well.  Sticking to the holiday season, let’s take a look at examples of each. 

     On the good side- every year St. Terrence sponsors a giving tree to help needy families in the church community.  Parishioners are asked to take an ornament off the tree which contains a family’s request of essential items.  What you find is not a request for the latest and greatest, but rather everyday items such as clothing, toilet paper, paper towels, etc.  No one is commanded to take an ornament from the tree-  it is something that is done of a person’s own free will.  This drive has always been very successful, and most certainly makes the Christmas season brighter, as well as ease the burden of these families.

     On the bad side- we also hear about fundraising organizations being robbed of gifts that were slated for distribution to the needy.  Other stories talk about tempers flaring and punches thrown in the name of getting the last, most coveted, item on the shelf.  In these cases, none of the perpetrators were under duress requiring them to take from or injure another- it was again done of their own free will.  The motivation behind the aforementioned stories is never clearly defined.  It is just a stark reminder that some choose to take a destructive path in life.  So what is the point of all these thoughts that I have penned to paper?

 

 

     The call to action that I ask of my readers is to decide not only what you want to do with your gift of free will during the holiday season, but every day for the rest of your lives.  Paying it forward is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves and humanity.  Use of free will in a constructive manner is the best way to advance the cause of making the world a better place to live before we leave it.  Keep in mind we are not perfect beings, and every once in a while we may veer off track.  However, that’s okay as long as we get back up, dust ourselves off, and course correct (thanks for this one Dr. Deb).  In the grand scheme of things if we do more good than not good, we will make this world much brighter.  So, what are you going to choose to do with your gift of free will?  Just some food for thought.  The following inspiration poem sums up this post the best:

Anyway - what Mother Teresa has to say...

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

~~~
by Mother Theresa and/or Dr. Kent Keith (*)

 

NOTES:

1. (*) The verses above was reportedly written on the wall of Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta, India, and are widely attributed to her. And some sources say that the words were written on the wall in Mother Teresa's own room. However, these words are based on a composition originally by Kent Keith, but much of the second half has been re-written in a more spiritual way. Both versions of this poem are shown on this page - www.prayerfoundation.org/mother_teresa_do_it_anyway.htm

In health and wellness,

Tim

Thanksgiving: Practicing the Attitude of Gratitude

     Every year families from around the country gather and break bread to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday.  Lately, it seems to me as if this day has been pushed aside in favor of the all too commercialized and overly materialistic Christmas season.  As I sat yesterday to pen this post, Judy told me how she saw people camped out in front of the local Best Buy waiting to get first dibs on the next greatest thing- consciously choosing to bypass this day of gratitude.

     When the pilgrims landed on Plymouth Colony way back in 1620, they had already endured many months of hardship aboard the Mayflower with several losing their lives during the journey across the Atlantic Ocean.  I pondered what they may have been grateful for on that very first meal they gave thanks:

1.      The journey to a new land was accomplished, affording them a new found freedom.

2.      For the Native Americans who showed them how to survive and live off of what Mother Nature provided in the mostly untouched new region.

3.      Expression of thanks to their Creator for allowing all this to transpire.

     Given all this, what can we do to bring back the attitude of gratitude in Thanksgiving?  Sonja Lyubomirsky in her article How to Practice Gratitude, offers several strategies in this regard:

Start a Gratitude Journal

·         Set aside a few minutes (varying the time of day) to reflect and write.

·         Pick 3-5 ordinary things you are grateful for (good day at work, the snow was plowed; the flat tire was changed, etc.).

·         Then pick 3-5 extraordinary things (child’s first words, the first time you told someone you loved them or I do, an awesome sunrise or sunset).

·         Do this at a frequency (daily, weekly, monthly) that best speaks to you.

Vary Your Routine

·         When counting your blessings, vary when and how you do it.  Don’t make it a routine-make it something special.

·         If you are not good at writing, take time to sit and just contemplate what you are most grateful for.

·         Share with others a favorite restaurant, park, or scenic drive, and re-live what they see/comment on as if it was your very first time as well.

Give Thanks to Another

·         This can be done by phone, letter, email, text, etc.  However, it is more effective and personal when thank you(s) are given face-to-face.

·         Thank them for something they did (in some small way) to make your world brighter (2015).

     These are just a few examples of how we can re-focus the attention on the meaning of Thanksgiving not just on this day, but every day of the year.  An attitude of gratitude can surely make this world a better place to live.

Happy Thanksgiving,

Tim

References

How to Practice Gratitude (2015).  Gratefulness.org. Retrieved from http://www.gratefulness.org/resource/how-to-practice-gratitude/ on 11/25/2015.