You Can’t Go Home Again

     In a season 7 episode of the epic television series Magnum PI titled Going Home, the main character Thomas Magnum returns home to attend his grandfather’s funeral.  At the closing scene, Magnum quoted writer Thomas Wolfe and added his own twist when he said “Thomas Wolfe once wrote “You can’t go home again” – but it sure as hell doesn’t hurt to try.”  I will agree in part with Magnum’s addition by saying it is okay to return home to visit family, friends, and old colleagues, but not so much when revisiting old triggers.  Bear with me as I share my thoughts.

     It has been almost two years since I began my healing journey from PTSD and there are many lessons that I learned along the way- one being, the identification of triggers to anger, stress, etc.  Through journaling, meditation, and self-reflection I identified two of my biggest Achilles’ heels: reading the newspaper or watching the evening newscasts.  During the height of my hyperarousal from PTSD, I couldn’t even read the newspaper or watch the news without yelling, throwing a pillow at the TV, or flipping the bird in the direction of what became aggravating to me.  My counselor advised that I was going to have to learn to separate myself from situational triggers such as the daily news if it did not serve me well or caused undue stress. At that time, I resolved to only watch the weather and sports, and read only the Arts/Entertainment/travel sections, as well as the sports pages.  During the majority of a newscast I meditated. This strategy has worked well for me until about a week ago when I decided to go home again.

     I had been feeling very good about myself, and more balanced than I could recall in recent years.  One might even say that I dared to throw caution to the wind and revisit things that once haunted me.  Last week, I decided to test the waters by reading the rest of the paper and watch the beginning of the newscast with the strong belief that I was grounded enough to handle it- not.  I could not even make it a few minutes into the broadcast when the middle finger popped up in the direction of the TV.  It was more the same when I started to read a news story about decisions being made by our legislators in Springfield.  Even though I made great strides in healing, these two things may forever be hot button triggers that I must continue to avoid in the interest of my physical and mental well-being.

     Some may disagree with my position statement so I will offer final thoughts on this subject matter.  If you struggle with events from your past that cause you emotional unrest, then it may be appropriate to “return home” to seek closure.   However, from my own personal experience, it would be most beneficial to seek the assistance of a licensed professional clinical counselor who can advise you on the best way to revisit old wounds.  My belief is that once closure is gained (if you do in fact), listen to Mr. Wolfe and don’t return home in the interest of a more balanced existence.  As for me and the news media, I like the Mark Twain quote that a friend recently sent my way:

“If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed.  If you read the newspaper you’re mis-informed.”   I’m just saying.

In Health and Wellness,

Tim